Grandma knows best...

It's not a secret that I HATE going to Wal-Mart. But sometimes...sometimes...I enjoy my visit there. Last night took the proverbial cake. Best Wal-Mart trip EVER! Hands down. Even better than the time that crackhead tried to kiss my kids. Blech. So grab a snack and a cold beverage and I'll tell you all about it...

Jordan and I had the kids in tow as we headed to the store. We had barely made it through the doors when I was approached by a sweet lookin' Grandma with a Betty White vibe. She stopped me short, clasped my hand in hers and proceeds to say "You are the most adorable thing!" Dang straight Grandma!!! I smiled at her and thanked her kindly, telling her she was too sweet. All the while, she kept her vulture grasp on my hand. Next she turned her attention to The Hubs and instructs him to "Tell her everyday just how adorable she is! Don't you forget it!" (Did ya hear that J? Everyday. Take notes!)

{Don't let the sweet smile fool you!}

Grandma loosened her grip, and just as I thought our little encounter was coming to an end she grabs me by the shoulders, pulls me in close, and tells me she's got a secret for me. I'm so close to her face I can smell the Poligrip. "Panties!!", she whispers. "Buy yourself 3 pairs of panties. Black, red, and pink. Got that?!" WHOA! Holy crap! In the blink of an eye Grandma's morphed from Betty White to Sue Johanson! I wasn't sure whether I should run or take notes...so I took notes.

{She's the sexpert}

"The men, they love that stuff. Trust me. And now, you've got to be a real babe in the bedroom," she purred in my ear "Mmmhhmm. You've got to make him want you more than those girls on Dancing With the Stars! You don't want your man to go looking in other ladies bedrooms." (For the record, he KNOWS better.)

So I assured her that things in that department are, ahem, covered and thankfully she morphed back into Betty White and continued lecturing Jordan all about cherishing me, being a gentleman, and all about how adorable I am. She counseled us to always express our love for one another and as she gave me one last hug she says "Hold on to this one, he's a hunk!". And just like that she was gone, and I was headed to the pantie aisle...

Grandma was a little crazy, but her eyesight was obviously perfect! ADORABLE FOLKS! Best trip ever.

{I found J some red pantaloons....meow}