On my list of things to do....

So I made my New Year's resolutions....then realized about 2 minutes later that it was going to be impossible very difficult to do any of them. But it's not my fault! I have perfectly valid reasons...Let me tell you why...

1. Wake up early so I can work out and shower before the kids are awake..... HAHAAAA!!! I just choked on my candy I was laughing so hard! Seriously?!?! I must be delusional. Anything that starts with the phrase 'Wake up early' and includes the words 'working out' is NEVER going to happen. My Thighs (yes, with a capital T, they demand my respect) are strongly opposed to this one. Sorry 2010, maybe next year.

2. Limit blogging time to when the kids nap during the day and sleep at night.....Ehh...But then what am I supposed to do during the day?? Play with the kids?? Clean my house?? Pass. No can do. Next!

3. Turn up the heat in the bed room...bow chika bow wow....Yeah I said it. More lovin' for my lover. Well....except 7 days prior to Aunt Flo's visit, and 7 days after for recovery. And rule out Saturdays because I don't get my nap, and Sunday is a day of rest....But any other day should be ok...as long as it's scheduled in advance so I can remember to shave my legs that week. Am I romantic or what? Meow...

4. Cut back on time spent watching reality TV....Well, now this all depends on whether or not Jersey Shore gets canceled. I don't care what anybody says, that is one train wreck I am not gonna miss!! Where would I be without Snickers, or Snooki, and The Situation?! Plus The Bachelor starts up soon and after last season's hot mess freak show known as The Bachelorette how could I even fathom missing Jake's shot at redemption!?

5. Limit my caffeine intake....Alright. I thought about this one long and hard (HA! TWSS!) and it comes down to it being a safety issue for my family(plus the doctor wants me too. boo). I just don't think I could properly function without it. My abilities as a mother go hand in hand with my beloved caffeine. Red Bull is not only considered a food group to me, it's my primary food group. A little Red Bull with some OJ and I've got breakfast! BUT...I'll *gulp* TRY to cut back....

And that's IT! I'm stopping at 5. A world without Snooki and Red Bull?! Just shoot me now! I've lost my will to live! 2010 is looking gloomier and gloomier by the minute! I've gotta say that despite 2009's ups and downs, it was another year I got to spend with the love of my life and three angels in my arms....so it couldn't have been that bad :) Here's to a new year! Watch out 2010, I'm about to make you my biznatchel!!

Best Christmas Ever!

It was perfect. Low key and perfect. I wasn't even heavily sedated or anything (the kids may or may not have been. just sayin'), and I STILL had fun! I know! Crazy, right?! We didn't waste any time on laundry or honey-do lists...just savored each and every minute with our wee ones and loved ones. We even managed to sneak in an impromptu snow trip! Now its Monday and back to reality...wah wah wahhhh....but at least I have pictures to serve as proof of our perfect Christmas.

{My favorite nativity ever!}

{Our kids are only slightly spoiled.....yeaahhh}

{She couldn't decide which to wear...my little fashionista!}

{Mason's ONLY wish list item was this flippin' game...he's played with it once.}

{Boogie saw Thomas the Tank Engine and his eyes glazed over...}

{Me and my sexy man meat..grrr}

{The boys couldn't wait to attack Daddy!}

{Snow angel my hiney...this kid is a snow demon!}

{Our ghettofabulous snowman...mad skills yo}

{We warned Boogie not to eat the yellow snow!}

{Those are some big balls....snowballs that is...HA!}

{I nailed that little sucker right in the head! Nothing more therapeutic than throwing things at your kids...}

{Little Miss' first snow trip!}

{Best Christmas gifts ever...well, except for the 7 SEASONS OF MURDER, SHE WROTE ON DVD that I got! BOOYA!!! Me and JB Fletcher are friggin homies!! HUNDREDS of hours or pure crime solving sleuthing goodness!! }

I hope you all had a FANTASTIC Christmas! One more week and school starts again. AMEN! Until then I'll be at the mercy of my crazy offspring. My eye's twitching just thinking about it. I have a feeling it's gonna be a loooong week. Maybe I'll just take them back up to the snow so I can throw snowballs at them...hmmmmm.

Milk and Cookies....

Don't worry Santa....we've got it covered...

Ode to Chuck Norris...

Well, I'm finally back and fully recovered from last Wednesday's horrible ordeal. Apart from some slight twitching when the word 'Wal-Mart' is mentioned, life has returned to normal. And I'm sure you'll all be glad to know Presley's cheek is just fine and free from mysterious rashes and Hep C. Nothing a little bleach and some oxi-clean couldn't handle!

It was a bittersweet weekend over here at the House of Cline, but all in all we had a good time. Well, except for the whole Mason not taking his ritalin-driving mommy up the friggin wall-stop hitting your brother-don't moon the neighbors-call 911 and see what happens-stop talking for one friggin minute- when the freak is bedtime-shut your pie hole and go to sleep-if i have to go in there one more time I'm getting daddy-thing...but other than that it was good! And just think...my kids are on vacation for a whole 2 weeks..did you hear that?.... That was the last of my sanity shattering to pieces....yay. It's a good thing I don't drink or you'd find me buried under a mountain of the finest boxed wine money can buy.

But I don't wanna be all bah-hum-bug over here...it's almost Christmas! Tis the season folks!! So... as my little gift to you...I've put together a little homage to a very special man in my life. I'm pretty sure I've told you all about him...do you wanna see a picture?

{Isn't he dreamy? Ho ho ho Mr. Clause....}

In the spirit of giving, I'd thought I'd share a few fun facts about our jolly ol' Saint Norris...

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your present from Chuck.

Before he forgot a Christmas gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Clause was real.

Someone once told Chuck Norris, Christmas was more about giving than recieving…Chuck obliged by giving everyone roundhouse kicks to the face.

The saddest moment for a child isn't when he learns Santa Clause isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

No need to thank me folks...consider this bit of new found knowledge my gift to you. Hope you all have a marvelous Monday. I can't wait to get caught up on all your posts and see whats been going on while my children have slowly been sucking the life out of me as they plan my demise. But one more thing before I go......

{MMmmmhhhmmm....take a gander at that action....go on. Savor it....I'm bettin' the Hoff's on the naughty list this year!}

Happy Monday!

Ode To Wal Mart...

I try to stay away from the breeding ground of darkness known as 'Wal Mart', especially on the 1st and 15th, but sometimes I just don't have a choice. So I pulled up my big girl panties, loaded up the kids, and headed off to savings city. I should have known when I saw the sea of cars in the parking lot that it was gonna be a bad idea....but Noooooo, I had to go in. We hadn't walked but 20 yards from the entrance doors when all of a sudden I saw them. Two crackheads making a bee line for my cart. CRAP! Next thing I know crackhead #1 had taken The Little Miss' pacifier out of her mouth and is pinching her cheek! UGHHHH!! So in my attempt to be polite I banter a little convo back and forth with the crazy and try to continue on my way. I turn around to find crackhead #2 tickling my boys! WTF?!? By this time I am FUMING. Don't. touch. my. kids. ever. I pulled the boys to my side, turned to grab my cart and CRACKHEAD #1 IS KISSING MY DAUGHTER ON THE CHEEK!!

NO! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! THAT WAS IT! I bit back a curse, shot the look of death, and peaced the heck out! Thanks for the hepatitis C fool! I'm gonna go boil my daughter now!! Screw savings, I'm stickin' to Target.

So as a keepsake of the not-so-good times I've had, I've written a song...an ode to Wal-Mart, if you will....sang to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas...(**NOTE:I added a verse at the beginning, I was a pregnant teen, and this isn't meant to offend..fyi...oh yeah, you have to sing while you read it to get the full effect**)

ahem....

On this day in December
I'm screaming 'Woe is me!'
Cuz Wal-Mart is the place to be..

I hate it more than Labor,
But their sales can't be beat!
So let me tell you what I did see...

12 Tranny hookers
11 Ma's in moo-moos
10 Wheelchair's whirling
9 Nascar racefans
8 Pimps a pimpin'
7 Toothless crackheads
6 Men with mullets
5 Knocked up teeeeeeeens!
4 Wolf t-shirts
3 Drunk dudes
2 Pantless chicks
and one crazy lady spreading Hep C....


If you need me I'll be at Target.

In a nutshell....

Up and down. That was my weekend in a nutshell...So pardon the randomness today!

For some reason, we'll call it 'aunt flo-itis', I thought it would be a good idea to eat this on Saturday night...nom nom nom

{Chocolate shake, grilled cheese, and fries....party on my palette}

Apparently I forgot about my resolution to stick to my 'allergy-friendly nothing remotely delicious' diet. Yeaaahhh....then about 20 minutes later I was politely reminded why eating that was the worst. idea. ever. It would have been different if I at least had some good reading material while I was taking refuge on the throne, but the latest Guns & Ammo edition just wasn't cutting it.

Note to self: buy padded toilet seat....and re-new NRA membership.


Anyhow, on to happier things....like the Burger King holiday cards. OH MY SWEET FRIGGIN GOODNESS! Have you seen these gems??? I mean they're pretty much GENIUS! In fact I plan on buying them for everyone I know! They're quite possibly the best $1 I'll ever spend in my life. Take a gander...go on...click here. Friggin hilarious!!

And WELCOME to all the new folks! I swear I do talk about other things than IBS, allergies, and gas, so don't be afraid to stick around. I can't wait to get to know you all!

So have an awesome week and if you have time do a little rain dance, say a little prayer, or think a kind thought and send it this way, will ya? I got a bit of not so great news and I'm hoping its something that can be resolved easily. Le sigh. These last few days have been a real kick in the proverbial nuts (hence the lack of blogging...boo), but I'm crossing my fingers for a better week.

I think I'll spend my Monday downing red bull and midol and googling pictures of Chuck Norris... seems like the perfect way to start the week!

The Offender...

I can't handle it anymore! Something needs to be done. The Offender must be stopped!! And since I can't walk around with a belt made of air fresheners, I suppose that means I'll have to stop cheating on my diet. Stupid IBS. Stupid allergy shmallergies. Stupid horrid, awful, tear-inducing gas. Oh yeah...its that bad.

And I don't mind having gas. No big deal, everyone farts, right? Right. But not everyone makes puppies yelp and rainbows dissolve with the intensity of the aroma. That's just me apparently. And normally its not this bad, I swear. Jordan, don't you dare comment. I will cut you. But it's normally not this offensive. I can crop dust through the store and nobody is the wiser. I do the one cheek sneak at the restaurant and it goes undetected. It's not my fault people. IBS here. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

But lately I've been forced to peruse the undesirable sections of Target, like the hangers and ironing boards, just so I can pass a little gas because my stomach is distended from the insane amount of gas. Then I do a little shake, and walk it off...hoping the stench doesn't follow. BUT on the off chance someone happens to encounter me during one of these moments and gets smacked in the face by montezuma's revenge I've got it all figured out. I'll slyly look at Boogie, peek into his diaper and loudly say "Oh Boogie! Did you go poopy??". Genius......or...

OR I could just stop cheating on my lame diet....You know what a diet is don't you? It's DIE with a t at the end of it... sigh....goodbye chocolate...mama loves you, but I've got to be good now. I'm gonna go cry now and lick the pages of my Bon Appetit magazine...while I fart.

The Party...

(***Warning: loads of cute photos...friggin blogger won't upload all of them, but enjoy what i managed to post!!***)

After hours of painting, shopping, tutu making, red bull drinking, candy eating, crying, and decorating we did it. For the sake of my sanity, I'm glad its over....but I'm not gonna lie, it pulled at the heart strings just a little bit. My baby turned one last week, and last night we spent the evening celebrating in her honor...

Welcome to Little Miss Presley's 1st Birthday Winter Candyland....

{The decorations were out in full effect...}

{Pull up a chair at the candy bar...mmmmm}

{I'm getting a cavity just looking at this picture}

{Surprisingly the kids left the decorations in tact!}

{Gumdrops and lollipops for our sweet little miss...}

{Little Miss Candy Cane in her birthday suit!! Love it!!}

{Poofball of cuteness...my uterus is screaming}

{Quite possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen}

{Oh yeah! Friends and family were there too!}

{She makes the best decoration...}

{Birthday cake #1}

{Birthday cake #2....moments before annihilation!}

{Pfftt...No....I wouldn't make a tutu just for her high chair...
that would just be a tad excessive... :) }

{She wasn't quite sure of it at first...}

{But she ended up digging in!}

All in all it was an awesome night!! The kids huffed candy in the corner while the adults gorged themselves on snacks. The Little Miss got lots of love and goodies. And I got to see the smile on my baby girls face as she basked in her poofball glory!! I call that a success.

Yo Saint Nick!!!

Dear Santa,

Well....There's no easy way to say this. I've been naughty (BWAHAAA!). I was planning to come sit on your knee to tell you all about it while I ran my fingers through your impressive beard, but by the time I got to the mall you were gone and that haggish elf of yours wouldn't tell me when you'd be back. So I'm hoping this letter does the trick! But while I've got your attention I thought I'd sort out a couple of issues with my kids first.

I have it on good authority that they made it on the naughty list and I'm hoping I can change your mind. I mean, sure, they like to fart in public and blame it on the barking spiders, but don't all boys do that? And just because Mason peed in the bushes at the soccer field doesn't mean he always pees in the bushes its only when I'm too lazy to find a bathroom. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't hold that one against him. Then there was the time he told his friends mom that her cooking tasted like vomit...I'm sure she misunderstood. He probably had food in his mouth and could enunciate properly. We'll just forget about that little incident, what do you say?

Oh yeah, there's the time that Boogie hit his speech therapist in the face, but I SWEAR he was just going in for a hug. It's not his fault she moved! So you see, there not ALL bad....right? Plus he's such an entertainer. He loves to make other people smile. Like the time when he stripped down to his birthday suit and cruised the neighborhood. He was a hit!

As far as the little miss is concerned, she's really cleaned up her act. In fact she hasn't exploded out of her diaper in quite a while. Plus she's turned into quite the giver. She LOVES throwing her food all over the effin kitchen sharing her food with the dogs! See? Giver!!

So there you have it....a few misunderstandings cleared up. Slates wiped clean. What do you say? Nice list??? Just in case I've attached an alphabetized wish list for you in case you decide to pick them up a few things.

And just in case these reasons weren't enough let me remind you of Christmas circa 2007....just look at how much my kids love you!


Thanks again Santa, I knew you'd understand. OH! Jordan says not to worry about me being on the naughty list. He'll take care of that...meow...

Love,
Alicia

The Little Miss is one!

My sweet baby girl...

For once I'm speechless...how can it be a year already? It feels like just yesterday I was cradling you to my chest, welcoming you to this world. Now I had this whole sweet letter all planned out, but my tears are so thick that I can't see the screen. So instead of telling you how I feel I'm just gonna hold you close and kiss your cheeks, I hope that's ok. Thank you for being the last piece to our puzzle. You are the absolute perfect fit....



We love you so much little miss. We are truly blessed and we promise never to take you for granted. We will love you, protect you, cherish you, and nurture you every day of your life. That much I can promise you. Happy Birthday baby girl...we love you more than life itself.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Mas, and Boogie