Pass the chocolate and nobody gets hurt+ oh, and The Bachelor...

Monday was CRAP. Literally crap. Dog crap to be specific....ALL OVER MY HOUSE.

That's right folks. I woke up to 4 piles of poo-dung, 1 puddle of piddle, and 2 mutts in need of a new home (I'll even throw in the dog food). So needless to say, my first Monday of the year was NOT off to a good start.

And it seemed I wasn't the only one, because my Bestie was joining my Midol party. It turned out we both seemed to be having one of those days. You know those days. The days where you're sitting on the closet floor naked for an hour because you hate all your clothes and nothing fits you and the only thing thats gonna make you feel better is a king size Twix bar, a slurpee from 7-11, and an old Spice Girls cd.

So we did what any emotional hormonal girls would do....we ATE our feelings. You heard me! Bring on the yoga pants, gummy bears and cheetos! Nothing soothes the soul like a little trans fat and trashy reality television.

Sidenote: Speaking of trashy reality television, did you watch The Bachelor?? I'm dying to talk about it! I'm pretty sure I saw a vampire on there...pickings must be slim this year!



2 episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and 1 episode of The Bachelor later, and things are looking up again. So Monday, you may have sucked monkey balls, but on the bright side at least I had my Bestie to commiserate with. That's the perfect way to start off a new year if ya ask me!!

If you'll excuse me, the sugar high has worn off and the indigestion has kicked in....I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.

Happy Tuesday!!!

(I hope!)

In a nutshell....

Up and down. That was my weekend in a nutshell...So pardon the randomness today!

For some reason, we'll call it 'aunt flo-itis', I thought it would be a good idea to eat this on Saturday night...nom nom nom

{Chocolate shake, grilled cheese, and fries....party on my palette}

Apparently I forgot about my resolution to stick to my 'allergy-friendly nothing remotely delicious' diet. Yeaaahhh....then about 20 minutes later I was politely reminded why eating that was the worst. idea. ever. It would have been different if I at least had some good reading material while I was taking refuge on the throne, but the latest Guns & Ammo edition just wasn't cutting it.

Note to self: buy padded toilet seat....and re-new NRA membership.


Anyhow, on to happier things....like the Burger King holiday cards. OH MY SWEET FRIGGIN GOODNESS! Have you seen these gems??? I mean they're pretty much GENIUS! In fact I plan on buying them for everyone I know! They're quite possibly the best $1 I'll ever spend in my life. Take a gander...go on...click here. Friggin hilarious!!

And WELCOME to all the new folks! I swear I do talk about other things than IBS, allergies, and gas, so don't be afraid to stick around. I can't wait to get to know you all!

So have an awesome week and if you have time do a little rain dance, say a little prayer, or think a kind thought and send it this way, will ya? I got a bit of not so great news and I'm hoping its something that can be resolved easily. Le sigh. These last few days have been a real kick in the proverbial nuts (hence the lack of blogging...boo), but I'm crossing my fingers for a better week.

I think I'll spend my Monday downing red bull and midol and googling pictures of Chuck Norris... seems like the perfect way to start the week!

A little pick me up...

I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. I should have picked up on the subtle hints.... but I didn't and I was caught off guard and was attacked at full force by the PMS army and all it's rabid soldiers. Uggghhhh... I'm not a graceful PMSer. Quite the opposite actually. I transform into a puffier, slightly more...make that incredibly more...crazed version of myself.

I hate how all my clothes shrink and I'm left to wander the house nekked double fisting corn chips wondering what the heck I'm gonna wear today. I've went with the bath robe today. Safe choice. I find myself drizzling chocolate sauce on my midol and just retaining water by looking at it. Yup, it's gonna be a greeeeeat day.

And don't the kids know by now that asking Mom to do anything will only result in hissing and velociraptor like shrieks??? How dare they ask me for juice!! Apparently they didn't get the memo either. So in attempts to lift my spirits and further refrain from torturing my family I think it's time for another edition of Random Crap That Makes Me Happy! Here goes!

The awesome hypercolor tshirts! Remember these?

I'd sweat to the oldies with this piece of man-meat...

I love seeing old people in looooooove...it's so dang cute...

Celebrity Jeopardy....Suck it Trebek!


The world's best ice cream scooper from Thrifty's

I'm feeling better already! I hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!! And before I go, I just want to remind you that....

Chocolate covered Midol

Ugh...today's one of those days. Not one of my seven (or sometimes 32 days straight) days of the month...just one of those days. Where any side I wake up is the wrong side of the bed because of the fact that I had to WAKE UP! Now I'm sitting here wishing I had a kings size Snickers, a bottle of Midol, and a 44 ounce Big Gulp of Red Bull. Oh, wouldn't life be glorious!!!

And of course when I have one of those days, I have to have a fat day. You know those days...the "sitting on the closet floor naked for an hour because none of my clothes fit- retaining water like a camel- everyone's skinnier than me" days. Soooo I'm wearing my stretchy skirt today. Blah.

I've already had Mason come sit on my lap and google 'orphanages'...letting him know that if he's not nicer to his brother then I'm taking him to one tomorrow. It was a very tender moment. And I've been seriously pondering something....WHY don't they have chocolate covered midol?!?! I mean those two just go together....it's like peanut butter and jelly, fries and ketchup, milk and cookies.....somethings are just destined to be together!!! Like Midol and Chocolate! That would be the answer to my prayers! Please, pharmeceutical company....if you're reading this...MAKE THE YUMMY MIDOL!

I smell Jordan baking cookies....I'm off to go lick the bowl and feel sorry for myself...maybe later I'll put on my favorite 90's mixed cd...you know, the cd with the music that you know makes you depressed, but you listen to it anyway. yeah. good times right there!