Pass the chocolate and nobody gets hurt+ oh, and The Bachelor...

Monday was CRAP. Literally crap. Dog crap to be specific....ALL OVER MY HOUSE.

That's right folks. I woke up to 4 piles of poo-dung, 1 puddle of piddle, and 2 mutts in need of a new home (I'll even throw in the dog food). So needless to say, my first Monday of the year was NOT off to a good start.

And it seemed I wasn't the only one, because my Bestie was joining my Midol party. It turned out we both seemed to be having one of those days. You know those days. The days where you're sitting on the closet floor naked for an hour because you hate all your clothes and nothing fits you and the only thing thats gonna make you feel better is a king size Twix bar, a slurpee from 7-11, and an old Spice Girls cd.

So we did what any emotional hormonal girls would do....we ATE our feelings. You heard me! Bring on the yoga pants, gummy bears and cheetos! Nothing soothes the soul like a little trans fat and trashy reality television.

Sidenote: Speaking of trashy reality television, did you watch The Bachelor?? I'm dying to talk about it! I'm pretty sure I saw a vampire on there...pickings must be slim this year!



2 episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and 1 episode of The Bachelor later, and things are looking up again. So Monday, you may have sucked monkey balls, but on the bright side at least I had my Bestie to commiserate with. That's the perfect way to start off a new year if ya ask me!!

If you'll excuse me, the sugar high has worn off and the indigestion has kicked in....I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.

Happy Tuesday!!!

(I hope!)

Is it Friday yet??

**Breathe in.....Breathe out**

My dog took a massive steaming dump on the carpet.


Boogie spilled his juice ALL OVER the couch.


Jersey Shore's season finale is tonight....**SOB**tear**WAHHHHHH!!!!


The friggin rain knocked over our fence.

{Say hi to the neighbors!!}


And it's only 10 in the morning....


On the bright side, UPS is bringing me a big package today! That's what she said...

I can't wait to get these puppies in my hands! Did I mention that Jordan ordered them for me?? If I didn't know any better I would think he was trying to raid my pantaloons...you naughty little monkey. Have I told you how cute my husband is?? See for yourself....

{Say it with me...1..2..3..awwwwww}

I'm gonna go knock back some midol with an ice cold red bull now and watch some Murder, She Wrote...that always makes my day better...

So how's your Thursday?!

A little pick me up...

I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. I should have picked up on the subtle hints.... but I didn't and I was caught off guard and was attacked at full force by the PMS army and all it's rabid soldiers. Uggghhhh... I'm not a graceful PMSer. Quite the opposite actually. I transform into a puffier, slightly more...make that incredibly more...crazed version of myself.

I hate how all my clothes shrink and I'm left to wander the house nekked double fisting corn chips wondering what the heck I'm gonna wear today. I've went with the bath robe today. Safe choice. I find myself drizzling chocolate sauce on my midol and just retaining water by looking at it. Yup, it's gonna be a greeeeeat day.

And don't the kids know by now that asking Mom to do anything will only result in hissing and velociraptor like shrieks??? How dare they ask me for juice!! Apparently they didn't get the memo either. So in attempts to lift my spirits and further refrain from torturing my family I think it's time for another edition of Random Crap That Makes Me Happy! Here goes!

The awesome hypercolor tshirts! Remember these?

I'd sweat to the oldies with this piece of man-meat...

I love seeing old people in looooooove...it's so dang cute...

Celebrity Jeopardy....Suck it Trebek!


The world's best ice cream scooper from Thrifty's

I'm feeling better already! I hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!! And before I go, I just want to remind you that....

I'm in a cupcake coma....

So Jordan and I have been making more of a conscious effort to watch what we eat...Uh-huh. Yeeaaaah. By watch, I mean I watch my hand pick up the chip, swoop into the guacamole, and direct it straight into my mouth. Let's just say that some days are easier than others. Now the last few days we'd actually been doing really well! Toot Toot! We'd been really sticking to our plan....Then there was today...well, here's how it all started. A few months back, Mason got an award at school, and with the award they gave him a gift certificate to this scrumptious bakery called The Icing On The Cupcake. We decided that today we would take him in to claim his yummy treat...yeah I didn't stand a chance. I'd been there before and I knew what I was battling. Jordan and I even agreed that we would get one and split it, that's not so bad right?? Well the thing is....that didn't happen...

I just couldn't resist the sweet aroma! It hit me full force like a ton of bricks. BOOM!! Delicious butter cream frosting right to the gut! POW! Sprinkles!! Chocolate!! AHHH!! The only thing I cared about was smashing my face into a slab of deliciousness....and that's exactly what I did. I ate that Pink Delicious cupcake like my life depended on it. And in that moment I was convinced it truly did!! Here's me throwing Jordan under the bus. Homeboy didn't even stop to breath! He inhaled that cupcake like someone was gonna take it from him if he even stopped to chew! It was intense. We were sweating by the end of our feast!

I should feel guilty, but I don't!! In fact, I'm still hungry! But it was an awesome time...the boys loved their treats and we loved watching them partake in the smorgesborg!

I'm committed to being good again...so tell me why I came home with a dozen frickin cupcakes??!!! THAT'S RIGHT!! They're even better the second time around!

I'm purring right now like a cat with cream on it's whiskers.....yum yum yum...sorry I can't share with you guys...here's a picture...just imagine...it's a lot less fattenning!

Chocolate covered Midol

Ugh...today's one of those days. Not one of my seven (or sometimes 32 days straight) days of the month...just one of those days. Where any side I wake up is the wrong side of the bed because of the fact that I had to WAKE UP! Now I'm sitting here wishing I had a kings size Snickers, a bottle of Midol, and a 44 ounce Big Gulp of Red Bull. Oh, wouldn't life be glorious!!!

And of course when I have one of those days, I have to have a fat day. You know those days...the "sitting on the closet floor naked for an hour because none of my clothes fit- retaining water like a camel- everyone's skinnier than me" days. Soooo I'm wearing my stretchy skirt today. Blah.

I've already had Mason come sit on my lap and google 'orphanages'...letting him know that if he's not nicer to his brother then I'm taking him to one tomorrow. It was a very tender moment. And I've been seriously pondering something....WHY don't they have chocolate covered midol?!?! I mean those two just go together....it's like peanut butter and jelly, fries and ketchup, milk and cookies.....somethings are just destined to be together!!! Like Midol and Chocolate! That would be the answer to my prayers! Please, pharmeceutical company....if you're reading this...MAKE THE YUMMY MIDOL!

I smell Jordan baking cookies....I'm off to go lick the bowl and feel sorry for myself...maybe later I'll put on my favorite 90's mixed cd...you know, the cd with the music that you know makes you depressed, but you listen to it anyway. yeah. good times right there!