Arrivederci 2010!

Resolutions shmesolutions! BAH! I'm proud to say that I only accomplished one of my resolutions for 2010, #3, raawwwrrrr. But 1 out of 5 isn't bad. I think this year I just need to set my sights lower and make easier resolutions.

So without further adieu...I present for your viewing pleasure...

Shmesolutions 2011 Edition

**cue fireworks**

1. Throw my pantaloons at Tom Jones. He's a dreamboat and a half!

2. Perform a citizens arrest on anyone wearing Ed Hardy, Affliction, or Tap Out UNLESS you're an actual MMA fighter...even then, its not ok, but I don't want to be choked out.

3. Write love letters to The Hoff on old In N Out hamburger wrappers until he responds with an autographed photo.

4. Learn how to make the duck bill with Pringles WITHOUT breaking the chips every friggin time. arrgh!!

5. Actually WIN something playing McDonald's Monopoly and not just eat my own body weight in delicious, mouth-watering french fries....nom nom nom...


I think if I can manage to accomplish at least one of those things, then the year 2011 will hold great things for me. I'm staying positive folks! Those are some life altering resolutions right there.

I hope you all have an AMAZING New Year and that 2011 brings nothing but peace, love, happiness, and In N Out fries smothered in ketchup! (That last one was for me)

HAPPY NEW YEAR AMIGOS!!!

I'll be in the bathroom if you need me...

I've been trying to tell you for the last few days just how awesome my birthday was, but I've had my head buried reading The Hunger Games books while the kids destroyed the house been a wee bit side tracked. But I'm here now, so lets get to it! You see, the Hubs, in his infinite awesomeness spoiled me with a lap dance top for my birthday! WOOO!! I feel like I'm finally OFFICIAL. I've been begging, pleading, kicking, screaming hinting for a lap top for quite some time now and I was beyond surprised when he pulled out the little beauty.

Note to self: resort to throwing tantrums when you really want something. Husband will come through.

For one brief moment, the heavens parted and angels were singing...somewhere in LA, Tom Cruise was jumping on a couch. This was a big deal folks. I have to say, having a lap top is AMAZING! My life is complete now that I can do this...

{ TP is stocked and its time to catch up on some HOFFtastic news...}

BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!

I may never leave the bathroom again...

All I need is a mini fridge and some Red Bull.

I'm still in awe over how great the entire day was. Friends and family spread the love. Lindsay Lohan went to the clink. Even the kids decided not be jackholes! Score! So a big THANKS to all of you awesome people that made my birthday an amazing day. Every text, call, email, tweet, and hug brought a smile to my face. And reading all of those emails while sitting on the crapper was just an added bonus! I have a feeling that 27 is going to be a good year.

But now, its time for my gift to one of YOU! The lucky winner of my Berfday Stache Bag Giveaway is.................

Kristina from Pulsipher Predictions

Congrats woman!

Thanks to all of you who entered and played along, you rock! Now its off to bed for this girl because the children of the corn will be up before I know it, begging for food and demanding to watch Dora. Joys of parenthood.

Happy Friday Amigos!

Have a glooooorious weekend!

I need a hug.....

Bittersweet folks....the Super Bowl was bittersweet. Bitter because my ponies couldn't pull it together and snag a victory. And sweet because Nola has never won a Super Bowl....and I guess if anyone had to beat the Colts I'm glad it was the Saints. But don't tell Summer that, she'll never let me live it down!!

So I need a little cheering up today and I have just the perfect thing....

{The Hoff and puppies....the perfect antidote}

There....better already!! He's Hofftastic. And if my Monday didn't suck already, it sure is about to, because for some INSANE reason I've decided to go back to the gym. Uggghhhhh. My Thighs (yes with a capital T) hurt just thinking about it! I've promised them that if they manage to survive an hour of cardio, I'll treat them to a smoothie.

Sorry to keep it short, I'm hoping to have time to get caught up on YOUR blogs today! Have a great Monday folks...I'm off to go breathe heavily and act like I'm working out.

Ode to Chuck Norris...

Well, I'm finally back and fully recovered from last Wednesday's horrible ordeal. Apart from some slight twitching when the word 'Wal-Mart' is mentioned, life has returned to normal. And I'm sure you'll all be glad to know Presley's cheek is just fine and free from mysterious rashes and Hep C. Nothing a little bleach and some oxi-clean couldn't handle!

It was a bittersweet weekend over here at the House of Cline, but all in all we had a good time. Well, except for the whole Mason not taking his ritalin-driving mommy up the friggin wall-stop hitting your brother-don't moon the neighbors-call 911 and see what happens-stop talking for one friggin minute- when the freak is bedtime-shut your pie hole and go to sleep-if i have to go in there one more time I'm getting daddy-thing...but other than that it was good! And just think...my kids are on vacation for a whole 2 weeks..did you hear that?.... That was the last of my sanity shattering to pieces....yay. It's a good thing I don't drink or you'd find me buried under a mountain of the finest boxed wine money can buy.

But I don't wanna be all bah-hum-bug over here...it's almost Christmas! Tis the season folks!! So... as my little gift to you...I've put together a little homage to a very special man in my life. I'm pretty sure I've told you all about him...do you wanna see a picture?

{Isn't he dreamy? Ho ho ho Mr. Clause....}

In the spirit of giving, I'd thought I'd share a few fun facts about our jolly ol' Saint Norris...

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your present from Chuck.

Before he forgot a Christmas gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Clause was real.

Someone once told Chuck Norris, Christmas was more about giving than recieving…Chuck obliged by giving everyone roundhouse kicks to the face.

The saddest moment for a child isn't when he learns Santa Clause isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

No need to thank me folks...consider this bit of new found knowledge my gift to you. Hope you all have a marvelous Monday. I can't wait to get caught up on all your posts and see whats been going on while my children have slowly been sucking the life out of me as they plan my demise. But one more thing before I go......

{MMmmmhhhmmm....take a gander at that action....go on. Savor it....I'm bettin' the Hoff's on the naughty list this year!}

Happy Monday!

Time for bribery!!

So I promised a giveaway and I'm here to deliver!! First of, a huge thank you to all of those who read the crap I put on this freak show I like to call my blog. It's amazing how many awesome people, and how many creepy people, I've met in the last few months....its like a giant session of group therapy...only free. Cha-ching! Anyhow, life here at the House of Cline has been crazy to say the least and I'm looking forward to things settling down so I can get back to my priorities in life....like blog stalking and googling pictures of Chuck Norris. But until then, how about a little bribe to keep you around???? Uh-huh...that's what I thought...here goes...

The kind people over at CSNbaby approached me about doing a giveaway and heck, free stuff for you guys??? Why not?! I was actually really impressed by their competitive pricing and their super wide range of products. They have over 200 stores, but their baby store is awesome! It has everything from baby gear and toys, to nursery furniture. So go on and check it out! And now to the good stuff, one lucky reader is going to be the proud new owner of this bad boy...

{The SLING not the baby!!}

SO CUTE!! Little Miss Presley was a colicky hag for the first 6 months of her life and I would have died without my sling. Plus this sling is super versatile and great even as your wee ones get older! So I'm way excited to pass one of these on! And you don't have to be a mom to enter folks... These make awesome baby shower gifts or even Christmas gifts! So here are the rules...go on over to the CSNbaby store and have a peek around. Then leave me a comment letting me know an item you like and how much you looooove me (but really how much do you love me? I bet it's a lot!). You've got until next Wednesday the 18th! Now GO!

Thanks again for being such masochists and subjecting yourselves to my nonsense. If I had to choose between you guys and The Hoff it'd be a tough call. That's how much I love you all. You're hofftastic. And I'm delirious...exhaustion is setting in. Did I mention I threw a birthday party today for a bunch of sugar fueled first graders??? Shoot me in the face. So go on, enter the giveaway, pay me money, maybe you'll win. I'm off to la la land to dream of Jordan in a loin cloth feeding me grapes and folding the laundry....meow...

BEST NEWS EVER!!

I have FABULOUS news! WHOOP WHOOP!!

But first, let's catch up... my long lost friends, how I've missed you!! So this weekend has been fan-friggin-tastic so far!! The kids are mostly better, minus a few snot rockets and hacking coughs here and there...we were finally able to make it out of the house. AMEN, because I was ready to lose my flippin' mind if I had to watch one more episode of Max & Ruby! {Sidenote: Don't those creepy rabbits have parents??? And why doesn't Max talk?! Wtf?}

Friday night we decided it would be fun to take the kids to the halloween store so we could pick out a costume for Little Miss Presley. Well, you would have thought that I had learned my lesson about trying to do fun things with the kids...obviously I hadn't, because I'm smart like that. Unless your idea of fun is scarring your child for life, then yes, I succeeded. They are officially scared of halloween...it may or may not have something to do with the fact that the store was decorated like this:

{creepiest baby crib EVER...they make chuckie look lovable}

Don't worry, we totally redeemed ourselves and made it up to the kids by taking them to a REAL pumpkin patch on Saturday and we even came home with PUMPKINS! 2nd times a charm! I'll fill you all in on that on Monday...good times were had! And if Saturday wasn't great enough, we were able to sneak in a date night! MEOW....Jordan, you're naughty...ha!

But now for my good news! This is life changing you guys...Hallmark channel is showing Murder, She Wrote again! BOOYA!! I'm so glad it's not canceled anymore because Jessica Fletcher is my homie! Seriously, she's hardcore, and that show is my all time favorite.. What's not to love?! It's the perfect combination of danger, mystery, and romance. That JB Fletcher was a little p.i.m.p...her milkshake brought the boys to the yard....she spit some fierce game! And she laughs in the face of danger! Bwahahahaa! Plus I'm convinced Cabot Cove is the most dangerous place to live...and she owns that town! We'd so be BFF's...I just know it.

{I've got my eye on you...}

I'm seriously so excited I could piddle!! See, isn't that the best news ever?! The only thing that would have made it better was if The Hoff sang me this wonderful news by way of a singing telegram...now that would have been awesome! Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend, can't wait to catch up with you all! Pardon my randomness tonight, I'm exhausted!! So I leave you with The Hoff...ain't he a dreamboat?

{you look tight, in your tight pants...grrr}

A little pick me up...

I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. I should have picked up on the subtle hints.... but I didn't and I was caught off guard and was attacked at full force by the PMS army and all it's rabid soldiers. Uggghhhh... I'm not a graceful PMSer. Quite the opposite actually. I transform into a puffier, slightly more...make that incredibly more...crazed version of myself.

I hate how all my clothes shrink and I'm left to wander the house nekked double fisting corn chips wondering what the heck I'm gonna wear today. I've went with the bath robe today. Safe choice. I find myself drizzling chocolate sauce on my midol and just retaining water by looking at it. Yup, it's gonna be a greeeeeat day.

And don't the kids know by now that asking Mom to do anything will only result in hissing and velociraptor like shrieks??? How dare they ask me for juice!! Apparently they didn't get the memo either. So in attempts to lift my spirits and further refrain from torturing my family I think it's time for another edition of Random Crap That Makes Me Happy! Here goes!

The awesome hypercolor tshirts! Remember these?

I'd sweat to the oldies with this piece of man-meat...

I love seeing old people in looooooove...it's so dang cute...

Celebrity Jeopardy....Suck it Trebek!


The world's best ice cream scooper from Thrifty's

I'm feeling better already! I hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!! And before I go, I just want to remind you that....

A little pick me up...

I'm not sure why, but this week has started off with a bah-hum-bug feel to it. Nothing majorly bad has happened, I think it's just a combo of small things all attacking at once. So instead of writing about how 3 1/2 years after getting married I'm officially bummed out that we never had a traditional 'wedding' (just now hit me...long story....different day), I've decided to post things that make me happy!! Because if it's one thing I will not be, it's a Debbie Downer....wah wah wahhh. Without further adieu....I present you with my Random Crap That Makes Me Happy list! BOOYA!

This friggin-fantastic-need-it-on-my-finger-now ring from this awesome etsy shop!!
{awesome find K!}


Here's a toofer. The Hoff and puppies! Priceless! Happy dance over here!


Murder, She Wrote....hands down, best show ever!! Jessica Fletcher's
my homey. Don't hate.


The Mullet. A well kept mullet always brightens my day!


Chuck Norris. Enough said.



For some reason, catching people pick their nose always cracks me up!!
Get it Chuck, you deserve it!


And last but not least...Watching models take a spill. It's petty, I know.
But hey,you can't be gorgeous, skinny, and coordinated.
It's just not fair. So that's right honey, go on
and bite the dust! Or better yet, bite a twinkie.


See, aren't you happy now?

Mmmmmm lettuce...again...

I officially hate my bowels and greatly dislike Dr. X. But on the bright side, I'm not on this journey alone (more on that later). So it's been almost 3 weeks since Dr. X rained on my parade and laid the smack down on my bowels. Since finding out I have IBS, am lactose intolerant, and have allergies to seafood I've totally re-vamped my diet. Oh, did I mention I'm not a meat eater? Thankfully I've stopped having spontaneous hothole things have gotten a lot better in some areas. BUT...and there's always a but...other symptoms are still showing and I've been so bloated that I look 6 months pregnant! No joke.

So another chat with the doctor and guess what he says....I HAVE ALLERGIES TO GLUTEN!! You're kidding, right?! No. Not kidding. Curses bad words and more curses. But because I don't have any friggin choice like the good girl I am I followed Dr. X's orders and today was my first official day 100% gluten free (and dairy and every other delicious food in the world). And you know what? It was faaaabulous! No bloating, no crazy trips to the porcelain throne, no hot mustard gas. Maybe I should write Dr. X a thank you card, with love, from my bowels.

It's been an adjustment switching over to a pretty strict vegan diet, but I'll have to admit I feel so much healthier! Plus my kids are totally eating so much better too! And I don't think I've ever eaten so much rabbit food fruits and veggies in my entire life. Luckily I live close to several health food markets so I've been able to spend a buttload of money find some awesome vegan products so that I can actually eat something other than lettuce.

The bright side to this....due to what I found out at the doctor, a friend of mine recently went in to her doctor because she had been experiencing similar symptoms and never knew that there was a cause behind it until I got diagnosed. Guess what? She's allergic too!! At least we get to starve together find new great foods together, like this organic gluten-free non-dairy rice dream "ice cream" I'm eating right now! Whoop whoop! So thanks for all the kind words and suggestions! If any of you happen to have some vegan recipes you'd like to share I would love to try them out!!

On a random note...did anyone catch America's Got Talent?! AWESOME!! Of course it's awesome, the Hoff is on it...he's such a dreamboat...swoon.

Jillian, will you accept this rose?