Eat your friggin' lunch!!

Seriously I've about had it with my eldest child....I'm losing my patience and it's gonna get ugly up in this piece. If I have to go to school every day at lunch time and cram a peanut butter and jelly sandwich down his throat, so help me, I will. EVERY DAY the kid comes home with his entire friggin' lunch! Every once in a blue moon he MIGHT drink his juice, but that's about it. That bowl of cheerios he ate for breakfast can't possibly be holding him over til the end of the day!! I just don't get it!! I mean he HAS to be starving!

And when it comes to school lunches I throw all nutritional caution out the window. I don't give a rat's behind if he eats an entire package of oreos for lunch as long as he flippin eats! And let me tell you something right now...this kid has it easy. We're talking yo-go's, chips, pb&j's (cut out into dinosaur shapes without the crust!!), COOKIES.... I even draw the happy face on the napkin that says "I love you... love, mom"...YEAH. I know!! Most kids would be BEGGING for this gig! But noooo.....my little casanova's too busy kissing girls on the playground (don't EVEN get me started on THAT!) to be eating his lunch. I'm gonna make him a lunch like I used to get, and then he'll learn to appreciate me.

You see, growing up, I didn't eat my lunch. Ever. But I had a good reason! Every single day without fail my dad would give me a bologna sandwich smothered in mayo (I'm dry heaving right now), juice, and some form of fruit. Every day. See??? No yo-go's, no cookies....I got straight up bologna fool. But at least I ACTED like I ate it!! Because every single day without fail, I would stuff the entire bag of lunch into the air vent in the floor.

Mmmhhhmm.

I would pull off the metal grate and shove the bag as far back as it could possibly go. It worked for a while until my dad traced the vile stench back to my air vent and found the stash of rotting bologna wreckage...he was almost as mad as the time where we popped the water bed on purpose, threw on our bathing suits and had a pool party inside....but guess who didn't get bologna after that?

But I'm getting off subject...back to my manorexic little brat. I'm giving the kid one last chance and he better eat that lunch tomorrow...or else the only thing he'll be kissing at lunch is the sandwich I'll be shoving in his mouth.



PS- don't forget to enter the awesome giveaway!!!

A little marital advice...

I'm sure most of you spent the last week hearing about Khloe and Lamar's wedding plans...and if you haven't heard about them, don't worry. You're not missing out. But hearing all the naysayers bash their "loooooove" had me reflecting. Now they've only been dating a month and they tied the knot....Hollywood's up in arms! But shoot, Jordan and I knew we were getting married after a week of dating. Didn't we? I said...DIDN'T WE HONEY??? And we got married less than 2 months after meeting....

Moving on...I got to thinking about keeping the fire and desire burning in a marriage. Keeping the loooove alive. Yeah I said it. Bow chika bow wow...imagine me talking in my Barry White voice....

We try to make sure we have time for us. And with 3 kids that can be a challenge. We go on the date nights and all that stuff...but sometimes date nights just aren't an option. So when we have to stay indoors I have no other choice but to pull out the big guns....

{Ladies, meet the big guns.}

I know. I know. It's unfair of me to use such tactics. If that doesn't scream irresistible I don't know what does! Do I know how to treat my man or what??? Nothing keeps the love alive more than a pair of seeeeexy jammies...meow.

I wonder if I could get Khloe's address? I should send her a pair. No need to thank me Lamar, consider it my gift to you.

Who wants free crap???

So many people have asked me "What's the deal with the cheese with a mustache?" and my initial reaction is What's wrong with it???? So you DON'T like my mustached cheese? You're TOO GOOD for my mustached cheese? HUH?? HUHHH???

Then after I've settled down for a minute I explain to them that I picked the cheese because, well, first of all it's delicious. And second of all, it goes great with our theme. As far as the mustache is concerned, I felt it brought a certain air of sophistication that may not come across in some of my posts. I want you to know that while I may come across as cheesy, I am also cultured and classy, like a fine bottle of wine...or in my case Martinelli's Sparkling apple cider, since you all know I don't drizink. SO....I thought this next giveaway would be a perfect example to show you how claaaaasy I really am. Mmmm-hhmmm.

{Go on....take it all in....totally radical aren't they?}

{Mr. Mustachio Cork Screw & Glass Charms Set......one of a kind folks}

Thanks to my A-FRIGGIN-MAZING sister in law, Atlanta, I have these little beauties to pawn off I mean GIVE to one of you!! She is incredibly talented and has an awesome etsy shop full of all things cupcake, aprons, cork screw sets and more! So thanks Sissy for the awesome giveaway! So if you want in on this piece of swanky giveaway just go on over to her Etsy shop, Cupcake Concubine, and leave a comment letting me know what item you loved most! If you feel like proclaiming your undying love for me I wouldn't be mad....just sayin'...So go on an enter...we'll let this run for a week! So til next Friday ladies...and gent (Jordan that's you, but you can't win anyway...but you're married to ME so you're already the winner, yeah, soak that all in).

Thanks for being such an amazing group of readers, I love you MORE than cheese...that says a lot.

Did I ever show you guys this?

My husband got this shirt for his birthday from him best friend, Dizzle.

Yeah...

I'm not sure if I'm confused by it, or if I'm in complete awe of it's ghettofabulousness....

I mean just look at that wolf. The bling-bling, the goggles, the grill (that's right, its hard to see, but it's silver)....in your face. This wolf's a tool. I'm pretty sure if he was real (which I'm not saying he isn't) he would be wearing an Ed Hardy shirt... and maybe he would love snowboarding. I'm pretty sure he's the Jon Gosselin of the wolf pack. Tool.

Dizzle, I'd like to say it's the thought that counts, but......I'd be lying....

On a random note, here's my quote of the day...provided by the one and only Hubs....

"Alicia, you can't contain this love. I'm like 24 ounces of love trying to fit into a 12 ounce can. I'm overflowing, you can't bottle this."

(Followed by my blank stare and shake of the head)

Dear Presley...Part 2

Dear Presley Rose,

I'm a little emotional right now, so I'm not quite sure how to put this....so I'll try to find the words as best as I can...

SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN!! WHAT THE HECK DAUGHTER????

I leave for ONE day and you start saying DA-DA??!! One day. ONE DAY! After everything we've been through???

Have you forgotten that I gained WEIGHT for you! ... I gave BIRTH to you! ... I am your MOTHER!! And this is the thanks I get????

I didn't see Daddy sitting on ice packs wearing mesh pantaloons after calving a child!! Noooo siree...pretty sure that was me!

First thst mangy mutt, Duke, steals your first word, which was rightfully my spot, by the way! Yeah, I said it! THEN you start saying 'Hi', despite my efforts to hear your sweet voice say Mama...I just don't get it! What does he have that I don't?? Did he give you candy?... Ice cream?? ...Chocolate???

That must be it...he blinded you with delicious treats...it's the only explanation!! He played dirty and now he will pay the price! That heathen!! He's going down!

Do the last 9 months mean nothing to you?? I thought I knew you better than that, Little Miss. I guess I was wrong! I suppose I'll have to resign to the fact that I'm 4th on your list....hopefully. I knew this day would come....I just didn't think it would be so soon. I suppose I'll have to just accept the fact that you've become a.....*gulp*....Daddy's girl...sigh...

But don't think this is the last I'm gonna say about this!! Oh no no no young lady...I will deal with you, this was just the tip of the iceberg! In the meantime, I've gotta go deal with THIS guy...

{Oh, don't you look at me like that Mister! You know EXACTLY what you did! You criminal! You robber of all motherly happiness! You should be ASHAMED! Hmph!}

{And you! Well don't you think you can just smile at me and get away with all this....I'm upset! You cute little thing...ya hear that? Mommy's upset with your sweet little self...}

{Who am I kidding...how can I be mad at this? I guess I'll just have to change my name to Duke}

Love,
Mommy

pee ess....it was a wonderful weekend. full of uplifting moments and new friends! (love my banana!!) can't wait to tell you all about it...but just thought I'd let you know the kids were still alive.

Presley, you're in command now....

Dear Presley,

I only have a minute to write this before I leave, but I wanted to leave you with some survival tips words of wisdom before I left. Now try not to worry, I'll be back tomorrow night, but it's going to be a looooooong 24 hours fun for Daddy and I'm gonna need you to help him out.

Since Daddy's going to have the 3 of you kids all by himself (BWAAAhhhhaaahhhaa!! *gasp* HAAA!) you're going to have to take on some new responsibilities. I need you to make sure Daddy changes your diaper so make sure you scream EXTRA loud to let him know....Daddy's a little hard of hearing, ya know, so reeeeally wail for him. And do me a favor and have him send me a picture of you kids on my cell phone every 30 minutes so I can make sure you're alive just in case I'm missing your cute faces.

Make sure that Daddy's staying on top of his chores while I'm gone. So if you see him sitting on the couch relaxing have Mason and Boogie make a giant mess for him to clean up let him have a few minutes to himself. It's good for him, trust me.

Don't forget to have Daddy feed you dinner, and remind him that fruit puffs don't count. If he gives you those throw them all over the floor ask him for a jar of food instead.

And tonight when Daddy puts you to bed make sure you scream for at least a half hour go right to bed like a good girl.

Be good baby girl and keep those boys in line....you're the woman of the house now! Tell Daddy if he has any questions to call his mom give me a call. I love you all and I'll miss you more than you'll ever understand....I'll see you tomorrow night...

Love,
Mommy

pee esss...have Daddy send me a picture of you kids holding the morning newspaper so I know you made it through the night....kisses and hugs to all my babies....

{my baby girl's growing up...}

I'm taking you to school...

A little education never hurt anybody!! It's time to expand your knowledge on the finer things in life....like Chuck Norris fun facts. You ready to get schooled?! Put on your listening ears, because here we go...


Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity.....twice.

Chuck Norris's calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.


Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

When God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said "Say please".

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.



But don't worry...now that you've freshened up on your Chuck Norris knowledge, you've been sanctioned as...



pee esss....I'm a guest over at the Lilac Grove....go on and check it out...


**for more chuck norris fun facts go here**

A little OCD never hurt anybody.....

I've always noticed Mason has certain little... 'ticks'. He has these little ticks that just make him the crazy little crackhead spirited whipper snapper that he is. Like his OCD traits. Yesterday he was playing WII so mommy could take a nap as a reward for having a great day at school, and when I asked him to shut it off he literally had a meltdown because one of the ranking spots had a zero score in it. Let me explain, there were slots for 1st through 5th place, and he had only played 4 times...the fact that one of the spots said zero literally had him in hysterics. It had nothing to do with getting more play time, it was the zero that just plagued him. You could see it in his eyes that his entire mental balance depended on this zero being replaced with a score. The poor kid was losing it! So I let him play one last time, the score showed, and he was hunky dory. No zeros. Life is good. My own little Howard Hughes in training. Mama's so proud.

This got me thinking of the 'ticks' this little family unit has. Take Jordan for instance (bus...meet Jordan as he goes under it). Jordan HAS TO make the bed every night before getting in it. I KNOW!! That doesn't make any sense!!! Why make the bed when you're going to get IN the bed?? But whatev...he has to or he can't sleep. So last night it's about 1am and I'm nestled in bed dreaming of Jordan hand feeding me delicious pizza and chocolate shakes in his little loin cloth...yeah that's right...meoooooww...when all of a sudden hunky loin cloth dream Jordan turns into creepy-gonna smother your face with a pizza-freaky Jordan and I wake up to find him standing next to me MAKING THE BED OVER ME!!!!

WHAT. THE. HECK???!!!!

Now I'm glad you've got to center your chi or whatever the heck you're doing, but you don't have to WAKE ME UP because you're OCD is on overdrive!!! It's 1AM! And I was PERFECTLY comfortable, thank you very much! Get the flip in bed!! And put the loin cloth back on!!!!

So yeah....we're a little OCD up in this piece. But I can't say I'm surprised....Mason is exactly like ME!! HAHA!! Poor poor soul....I know exactly where he gets his crazy genes personality from! So you wanna know my biggest 'tick'? For the longest time, anything I did with my right hand I would mirror with my left. Discreetly though....it wasn't completely obvious or anything. So when I would write with my right hand, my pointer finger on the left hand would rub on the desk and mirror it. I've learned to control myself now, BUT now I have the awesome ability to do this....go on....watch it...

{my hands look freaky in that...stupid phone camera}

But anyhow...Now I write with both hands at the same time mirroring each other. It's like second nature now, but I bet you could do it. Go try, you know you want to...I won't tell...but let me know if it works! See....at least my weird obsession doesn't WAKE PEOPLE UP in the middle of the night and take away hunky mane meat in skimpy outfits with DELICIOUS pizza.....

No rhyme or reason....just gas

Dude. I stink. Seriously. I'm so gassy it's ridiculous. Uggghhhh. It's kind of hard to focus on writing because the stench is just pungent. Like hot mustard meets sumo took a dump on a burning tire pungent. You know it's bad when you make your own eyes water. I guess that's what I get for slightly cheating on my diet....and eating an entire pot of beans in the last 2 days..What? Don't look at me like I'M crazy. They're gluten, dairy, meat, and seafood free. Moving on....

I've missed you all this weekend. We were non friggin stop since Friday...here's the low-down...

FRIDAY NIGHT- Snuggled on Miss E's new baby girl, whom I love and adore and want to keep as my own....I love new baby smell, it's better that puppy breath.

{the new little miss....gorgeous like her mama}

Went to go hang out with Miss B at the hospital because she was STILL pregnant...that's right. She was induced Thursday morning and still no baby by Friday night! Yeah. No thank you.

SATURDAY- Our morning was historic. Mason had his first soccer game and he did AMAZING! Can you say VICTORY?! We totally trashed the other team. Not that it's about winning.... pfffttt....BAH!... Oh my gosh that's such a LIE! It's totally about being the winner winner chicken dinner!! WHOOP WHOOP! And I am now an official soccer mom. Official- like a ref with a whistle, as we like to say in these parts. It was a proud moment. I channeled my inner Victoria Beckham and I worked that field like it was nobody's business. And by worked I mean- screamed and yelled from the sidelines while snapping photos and handing out snacks, with a baby on my hip and a flip of the hair. That's how I roll yo.

Checked in with Miss B- still pregnant.....yeah. I know.

Then we decided to pack up and head out for the weekend. So we took the kids up to the grandparent's for a little mini-vacay. While the kids tormented the in-laws, the hubs and I headed out for some fun and hit up a friends wedding reception. Now I'd love to post on that, but I just can't. I'll leave it at that. BUT on the bright side I had on a faaaaabulous outfit!!

Checked in with Miss B- FINALLY had her sweet little man that evening!!! Poor girl had been in there since THURSDAY morning...yikes.

{the new little man....watch out ladies!}

Rocked out to some Phil Collins and Wreckx-N-Effect....ya know...all I wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom, just shake your rump!

SUNDAY- Chillleeeeed. Didn't do a dang thing except head home to go snuggle Miss B's stubborn little man, who I plan on adding to my collection of 'babies I want to stick in my purse and take home'.

All in all it was an awesome weekend, full of good times, babies, rump shaking tunes, and a heck of a lot of beans.

Note to self: no more beans.

Alright, the stench is killing me, I've got to go to share some of this sweet aroma with the hubs. Curses to IBS....and delicious beans. I'll be back tomorrow in full effect. If you need me before then, check the toilet.

Babies, babies, and duuuuuke

Remember how I told you how 3 of my besties were knocked up with little hooligans of their own? Well 2 of them went into labor yesterday!! Sucks for them!WHOOP WHOOP! Kiss your life goodbye ladies, because it's all downhill from here! Burn the skinny jeans and embrace the yoga pants!! I kid. I joke. Relax....oh, and breeeeathe....he he hoooo

I'm so happy to say that my lady, we shall call her Miss E, delivered at noon a beautiful and healthy baby guuuurl. I'll reveal photos and info and that fun stuff another day, I want mama to get first dibs at that! But man....she's going to be one gooooorgeous little girl...I'm gonna have to lock up my boys in a few years!

And my other lady, Miss B, is STILL laboring!!! Over 24 hours!! UGGHHHHHH shoot me in the face. AND she's already over a WEEK overdue. That dear woman.....she deserves an award. Or at least an ice cold Red Bull and a back rub. But Miss B is the epitome of patience, truly she is. Her story isn't mine to tell, but this baby has been a long time in the making....8 years or so....so I guess another day isn't too long to wait...right?

Who the freak am I kidding???? YES IT IS!!! Buuuuuut at least the hospital cafeteria has some awesome food. Blech. I'm trying to find a bright side to this....ohhhh here's one....just think of how cute baby Ryder will be when he's spitting up on these.....

{adorable burp rags made by Kristen}

Bright side. Found it! But for real, I'm so stoked to go snuggle on some sweet babies and give them back when I'm done!! HA! Lucky for me they both live down the street so I can get my baby fix anytime....because apparently Little Miss Presley has decided that she wants to grow up.

Sigh.

I can't talk about it. It's really a sore subject right now. I've tried to talk reason into her, but she won't listen. And to make things worse, she's decided that she wants to....TALK! That's right, Presley knows her first word. She's been copying sounds for quite some time, but this is her first WORD. When she says it she knows EXACTLY who she wants. And it's NOT Mom. It's not even Dad! Nope. It's Duke. Who's Duke, you're asking? Ahem. He's my mother's DOG. Mmmmhmm. Her mangy mutt. So here she is ladies and gents...Little Miss Presley saying her first word.. *tear*

PS- after the whole pill fiasco with Mason we decided to go back to his old medicine...yeah...nice. I'm glad we scarred our son for life all for NOTHING!

Shoot me in the face...

There are a lot of things I would love spending 4 hours out of my day doing. Like sleeping for instance, or blogging. Googling pictures of the Hoff (meow). Maybe read some books, work on my tan....shoot, I'd even do laundry over what I had to do yesterday. We spent four friggin quality hours teaching Mason how to.....are you ready for this.....swallow a flippin' pill!!!!

For the record, I'd rather stab myself repeatedly in the eye with a dull pencil before doing this again. I'm pretty sure those 4 hellish hours have won themselves the title of 'Most frustrating experience of my mothering career'. It's a pretty prestigious award, so why don't I explain how I received it, in case anybody out there would like to try for one.

This last weekend Mason was given a new medication. The old one wasn't meeting his current needs so we felt it was best to try something new. Well. Apparently Mason didn't agree. The new pill is hardly any bigger than the old pill. But it's not a pill that can be crushed or chewed, it has to be taken whole. It's smaller than a tic tac, just to put things in perspective. So yesterday morning while getting ready to send my little heathen off to school we had him take his pill. Or try to. Over and over and over....

He couldn't...no, make that WOULDN'T take it. And short of waterboarding the kid, we tried EVERYTHING! He put it under his tongue, back of the throat, head tilted back, wrapped it with food, drank through a straw, you name it....we tried it. He must have gone through 4 glasses of milk and juice trying to get it down, to no avail, might I add. An hour and a half into it he had managed to throw apple juice all over the kitchen, spit milk all over us, spill water all over himself, and STILL hadn't swallow the pill. By this time Mason's crying, he's late for school, I'm bawling, Jordan's frustrated, and the pill is sitting on the table taunting us.

So I did what any over emotional and crazed mother would do....I took him to the doctor. Now I love our doctor, he really is amazing and has done so much for our children. Buuuuuut the last time I took him in because I was concerned about the medication and weight loss he prescribed ice cream before bed time. Yeahhh. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he prescribed BRIBERY yesterday. WTF? So my kids a turd, won't take the friggin pill (when I know he can because he's ALWAYS taken pills) and not only do I have to give him ICE CREAM but I have to buy the little delinquent a TOY??? That's it...I need to see some diplomas or evidence of schooling because that's a steaming pile of dog crap. So glad I paid a $20 copay for that crap. But I'll try it. Because I'm desperate.

So we tried again last night. Only this time we used tic tacs so he was just having candy instead of the dreaded medicine. Again, we tried everything. We tried so hard to make it FUN! We wrapped it in candy, hid it in applesauce, offered him treats, toys, MONEY....ANYTHING. Sigh. Nothing worked. So one crazy mother, one exhausted son, one sexy father (yeah I said it), four horrid hours and endless tears later....we called it a day. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Jordan came out this morning with this fantastic ghetto rigged creation....


The pill launcher 3000. Simply stick it to the back of the mouth and push the lever in and this high powered machine launches that pill straight to the back of the throat, wash it down with some milk, and you're good to go. No if, ands, or buts. The crazy thing is that Mason loved it! He thought it was cool!! WTF? So mommy gives you candy, toys, sunshine, and friggin' rainbows, and I get NOTHING! But daddy chokes you (not really, no need to call cps just yet) and you think it's COOL??? Sigh....whatever works. At least he took the dang pill.

Yup, I'm THAT Mom...

I can't wait to tell you the winner winner chicken dinners of the ol' blog giveaway....but first feast your eyes on some cute pictures of my kids (and other random crap)!! I like to keep these pictures handy so that after long 3 day weekends full of explosive diapers, sugar induced tantrums, no naps, frazzled nerves, and lack of sleep, I can take a step back and remember what it's all about....the good times...

Apparently something was very shocking....

We went to the zoo and saw the weirdest looking koala bears...

Little Miss Presley snuggling with her faboosh new blanket handmade for her by the fantastic Erin!! Thanks E!! We love it!!

She embroidered her name, birthday, and a picture of OUR DOG!!!
How friggin amazing is that?!?! I may just keep it for myself....

My bootylicious hubby and the demon offspring riding the tri-zain...toot toot suckas!

And of course, photo op a la oofa luffe le....

Mason busting out the fall boots....yes, my 5 year old has amazing fashion sense...I'm so proud

Alright...now that we've got that taken care of, on to the WINNERS!!

Congrats to Momma G.Love for winning the gift certificate to this yummy joint.....
Another congrats to Sara for being the proud new owner of these radical utensils...
And finally a HUGE CONGRATS to Melissa for winning the best ice cream dish EVER!!!

Thanks to all those who played along! I love you all!

Now go eat some dairy for me!

A little pick me up...

I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. I should have picked up on the subtle hints.... but I didn't and I was caught off guard and was attacked at full force by the PMS army and all it's rabid soldiers. Uggghhhh... I'm not a graceful PMSer. Quite the opposite actually. I transform into a puffier, slightly more...make that incredibly more...crazed version of myself.

I hate how all my clothes shrink and I'm left to wander the house nekked double fisting corn chips wondering what the heck I'm gonna wear today. I've went with the bath robe today. Safe choice. I find myself drizzling chocolate sauce on my midol and just retaining water by looking at it. Yup, it's gonna be a greeeeeat day.

And don't the kids know by now that asking Mom to do anything will only result in hissing and velociraptor like shrieks??? How dare they ask me for juice!! Apparently they didn't get the memo either. So in attempts to lift my spirits and further refrain from torturing my family I think it's time for another edition of Random Crap That Makes Me Happy! Here goes!

The awesome hypercolor tshirts! Remember these?

I'd sweat to the oldies with this piece of man-meat...

I love seeing old people in looooooove...it's so dang cute...

Celebrity Jeopardy....Suck it Trebek!


The world's best ice cream scooper from Thrifty's

I'm feeling better already! I hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!! And before I go, I just want to remind you that....

Where's the remote?!

It was 7:29 pm in the Cline household, a night like any other. The kids were polishing off their bedtime snack while watching a little tv as a night cap. I on the other hand was counting off the seconds until bed time. 7:29...one more minute. Ahhh....Glorious! Time to put the children of the corn to bed so mama could RELAX....blog a little...ya know..

Then it hit me. 7:29! Oh no! CRAP! No no no no no!!! I only had seconds to act before it was too late. Frantically I started searching the house like a mad woman. Hurdling over couches, throwing pillows every which where. Searching desperately...

"Remote!" I blurted out in a frenzy. "JORDAN! The remote!!!"

He simply looked at ME like I was the crazy one!

"Where's the remote?!" I shrieked. Time was running out!

Couch? No!

Kitchen? NO!!

WHERE THE HECK....Then I heard IT. Oh no. NO! That horrid sound was getting louder and LOUDER, filling the room...

Please, oh please, don't let the kids notice! But it was too late. Their beady little eyes were glued to the tv soaking in the bane of my existence....otherwise known as...Yo Gabba Gabba. Ughhhh.

Well there went my night.

Now here's the thing. I consider myself a pretty patient person (ok that's a bold face LIE but it sounds better for dramatic effect and all). But there are some things I have NO patience for. Yo Gabba Gabba is one of them. I. CAN'T. STAND. THIS. SHOW. My kids are forbidden to watch this show. FORBIDDEN I tell you! Everything about it just irritates me. It makes my eye twitch. It causes a raging fire inside that I can not put out. I LOATHE it....and for no better reason than just the fact that I can't stand it.

{NO Gabba Gabba!}

That DJ Lance fellow creeps me the heck out. Those tight pants and that dead animal on his head. No thank you. Uh-uh. And the creepy cyclops that looks like a giant blister...wtf? Then there's the fuzzy green thing that just sways his arms around all freaky like. That would give me nightmares!! And children actually LIKE it. I just don't get it. And it's not just this DJ Lance chump that creeps me out...it's children entertainers in general. I mean have you SEEN some of these people??? Yikes. Like this guy, Dan Zanes who used to sing all the time on the Disney channel. I'm sure he's a nice man, whatever....he is not coming within a foot of my kids. Creeeepy!



Then there's this dude from Ralph's World. Again, creepy. Just look at those eyes. You can't trust those eyes. All crazy and intense. They just scream "I do crack on a daily basis".



Maybe I'm just over reacting, but I can't help it. My poor kids. They'll have to watch some other kind of quality television like Maury Povich or The Steve Wilkos show during the day, because this Yo Gabba Gabba-freaky grown men singing deal just isn't working out for me...

I'm feeling frackin' faaaaaabulous!!

Was yesterday a dream? Because seriously it was just too good to be true. I had a dang good time reading all the sweet blog lovin' that was left...you guys ROCK!! A huge thank you to all of you who stopped by, it totally made my day! And a huge HELLO to all the newbies! Just make sure you sign the waiver before reading, releasing me from all liability, thanks.

Not only was yesterday my SITS day, but I got my NEW FRIDGE!! Finally! And it's gooooorgeous! I may or may not have kissed it. I'm just sayin'. But now I might even be able to feed my family! What a mess that whole situation turned out to be. Unfortunately my dear sweet 'Tom' wasn't able to deliver it. I understand, it must be hard for him...now that I've moved on to a new fridge and all. It's just different between us now...but I'm sure he was here in spirit. Goodbye Tom...I'll miss you...and your bubble wrap.

But it doesn't end there folks!! Oh no no no! Guess what I got in the mail?! Let me give you a little background. 3 of my best friends are pregnant right now. I know!! Hussies....But for real, they're all knocked up with little demon offspring of their own! Sucks for them. I mean, it's so exciting, especially because that means I get to go SHOPPING! Whoop whoop! In fact, one of these three mamas-to-be was due TODAY and the little booger decided to bake a little longer (I'm sure she's just overjoyed). She's such a special friend to me and I knew I had to get my baby nephew the PERFECT gift! Luckily for me one of my BEST blog buddies had just the perfect thing! I'm all about personalized gifts. I looooove leaving my own imprint on a gift when I can, so I bribed Kristen into making a special burp cloth set just for Ryder! And they turned out SO DANG CUTE that she even put them on her website!! Look how cute!!!


I was beyond excited to give them to my mama-to-be! Aren't they totally rad?! I LOVE them!! I'm pretty sure they're my new favorite gift! So as a ginormous THANK YOU to my lady love Kristen I decided to give her all the credit where credit is due by pimping her awesome skills out on the ol' blog. Go check out her AMAZING shop...she has the most amazing items that you can get personalized, and not just for baby! Thanks K, mama loves you!! :)

{go check out my lady...i heart her}

On a side note, I've realized that I need to invest in a padded cushion seat. Mmmmmhhmmm. I have a nice ring on my buttocks from spending some quality time on the old commode. I think it's safe to say it's gonna be a loooooooong time before I'm delusional enough to cheat again. I have to say though, that pizza gave me some heavy duty ammo last night. Covered wagons galore!! Poor Jordan. Poor poor Jordan....

SURPRISE!!!!

So I told you all I had a surprise for you today, and boy, is it a GOOD one...

Ready?

Ahem....

IT'S MY SITS DAY YO!!!!

HOLLA!!

That's right! And oh my word I am beyond excited! In fact, I've been doing a little pre-celebration tonight....I ate DAIRY!! Gasp! And GLUTEN!! Nooooo! Oh heck yes! I took the bull by the horns and I manhandled that pizza. It didn't even see me coming! Granted now I will have to spend the next week on the throne, but it was worth every. single. cheesy. bite.

So in the spirit of celebrating I've decided to send some of you home with some awesome party favors. It's a little thanks from me to you for making my blogging experience so rewarding. To all those crazies who are delusional enough to be a follower, I love you guys...thanks for the support and love! And for all you newbies or visitors just passing by, thanks and welcome! Have fun reading...Now for the good stuff...

Some lucky person will be the proud owner of this little gem...can you tell I have dairy on the brain?? Mmmmmm dairy, how I miss thee...

Another fabulous person will walk away with a set of these...

And some lucky person will get a gift certificate to this place...

Now aren't YOU excited it's my SITS day?! If you want in on this fun just leave me a little comment here telling me how much you love me and how fantastic you think I am....or just leave me a comment!! I'll let this run until Sunday night, so GOOD LUCK! And thanks again!! I'm off to go perch upon my porcelain throne....dang pizza....never again.

A serving of love....

Rumor has it that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Huh. So I figure, what the heck, I'll give it a shot. In attempts to keep the marital bliss flowing up in this piece I've decided to throw in some new cuisine for the hubs to chow on so his love for me can burn with the intensity of a thousand suns. I want him to love me like Jon Gosselin loves Ed Hardy tees. I want him to love me like emo's love their tight jeans. I want him to love me like Richard Simmons loves sweatin' to the oldies....is that too much to ask?? I think not! So I've devised a plan....a menu of loooooove if you will. I will entice him with delicious aromas and mouthwatering delicacies...just wait til you see the menu I have planned for him...

I figured for starters I would fix him a nice wholesome breakfast...perhaps the meatini...

{bacon, eggs, toast....the whole shebang}

and some snicker bar pancakes on the side, just in case...

{caramel sauce, peanuts, chocolate syrup, & whip cream....mmm}

Perhaps a light snack between meals, just to hold him over...
like the rubix cubewhich...


For lunch I'd go with something tasty like the double bbq stack, with fries...

{2patties, pulled pork, bbq sauce, slaw, cheese & bacon}

And for the main event I would make him meatloaf, of course...

{bacon-wrapped meatloaf with a layer of mac & cheese}


with some healthy veggies on the side...like the cornhole

{Corn on the cob wrapped in hickory bacon with two hot dogs and two Colby-Jack cheese sticks wrapped in ground beef}
I'd keep dessert simple though, with maybe just a piece of cake...

I'm pretty sure his heart will just be bursting at the seams with love for me after this. Or maybe it will just be bursting.....This is going to do wonders for our marriage, I can already tell!!

ps- one more day until my awesome surprise.....aren't you so excited?!

**food items were found here**