5 years....

I can't believe it's already been 5 years....and I haven't started drinking yet. I kid. I joke. Kind of.

I still have to pinch myself to make sure its not a dream, but lucky for me its not. He's real. Our love is real. And its stronger than ever. I'm so romantic....feel free to dry heave from all my lovesick mumbo jumbo.

I can't even begin to express what the last 5 years have been like with him at my side. Amazing doesn't even begin to cover it! So I'll try and express what I feel through this interpretive dance I recorded....HA! Yeah right.

You'll just have to take my word for it just how wonderful he is and just how perfect life has been since he's been here to share it with...

{5 years down...an eternity to go...}

Well, I'd better go shave my legs now. He deserves that much after 5 years of marriage!!

Happy Anniversary Mr.Cline.....I love you...

55 days....how and why...

So you want to know how and why 55 days, huh? Well...here it is. Hers vs. His style...

How did we know in 55 days?

Hers: To be honest I knew in the first week I would marry him, and I told anyone who would listen! Jordan wears his heart (and opinions) on his sleeve. From the very first moment I knew exactly where I stood with him and that was an amazing relief. He didn't play games. I knew if he said something, he meant it. So when he told me he loved me, when he told me he loved Mason (who was 2 at the time), when he told me he wanted to marry me, I knew it was the truth. From the very first date he made us a priority. I had never been taken care of the way he took (and takes) care of me. He was the exact opposite of anyone I had ever dated, and that's why it worked! Everything from the look in his eyes, to the way my hand fit in his, was just perfect. Are you gagging on my sappiness yet? TWSS. ha. But the closing deal for me was the fact that I could be myself around him. 100% me. I farted on the first date. I was loud and outspoken. I had a child. I never had to censor anything about myself. And not only did he accept me for it, he loved me for it. I wanted to spend every waking, and sleeping, moment with this guy. I'd be crazy not to marry him...

His: First of all, let me clarify a little something. Alicia and I “met” about a year before we actually went on our first date. And by “met”, I mean I stalked her from the other side of the room every single time I saw her. We went to a concert “together”, we went to a park and played with Mason “together”, and we even went out to dinner “together”! She didn’t know we were on dates, but I could tell by her body language that she was feelin’ me! You know...the cold shoulder…the dirty looks when she caught me staring…she was just playing hard to get. I was smellin what she was stepping in…know what I mean? So after one of my buddies who knew her FAILED at getting her number to me or introducing us for about a year, I finally asked her out (long story). I knew on our first date, the way she picked up that Ski Ball at Chuck E Cheese, that she was the one!

Now here's the why...

Hers: This really is so involved. And as much as I wish I could tell you the whole story, I can't. I'm very protective of my family, and some things just aren't made to be blog fodder. But it came down to this...we originally were planning a summer wedding, but issues arose between Mason's biological father and others between my family and ultimately we decided against a big wedding ceremony. But we knew we wanted to get married. We had the same goal. We wanted to share our lives together, have a family, and be husband and wife. Isn't that what life's about? Finding people you love and sharing your life with them? So now that we weren't planning a ceremony we had nothing to wait for. We decided to just go for it. We knew we loved each other, what was the point in waiting? So we picked up some Chinese food, a Costco sheet cake, and had Jordan's dad say the nuptials!

His: But since Alicia wants this to be serious, I’ll tell you why after 55 days I knew I wanted to marry her. I had always spent my time casually dating in my early years as a way to pick the traits of a good woman I wanted to marry. I had never wanted to date until I was 35 when it was time to settle down because I was too old for the dating game. I knew that as soon as I found the woman that had enough in common with me and had the ability to love someone with all of my flaws, that I would marry her. So, on our first real date we went out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. We sat for hours not telling random stories or having a causal conversation filled with witty banter. We just sat and talked about every single thing that bothered us about people in general and what we wanted out of life. A day later, I went to go see my dad in the hospital (just had heart surgery) and my mom saw me walking/prancing down the hallway and said “looks like someone’s in loooooove”! I couldn’t hide it. I went work so I could email and text her. I left work everyday and drove 40 minutes each way to take her to lunch. I went to her house every night to sit on her couch and played with Mason. I slept on her couch until 2 or 3 in the morning watching Law & Order, drove 45 minutes home to sleep for an hour and got up to start it all over again. She occupied every thought, she fit every single one of my wife criteria, and most of all, she loved me. I knew that with all that we had figured out in the short 55 days that we were dating, that we could live 80 years of our lives together, raise a family, and enjoy the company of each other until the day we died. I wanted nothing more than to spoil her, be with her, smell her breath, rub her back, suck a mean toe, etc. I figured marriage would be fun, tough, exhausting, and filled with compromise; but nothing could off-set the love we felt for each other and the desire I had to be with her. To this day, we’ve never had a serious fight, I’ve never hit her (she hits me…I’m scared of her), she still gets everything she wants, she gives me everything I want and I don’t regret giving my all to her and never will. We are the epitome of a perfect marriage.

Geez...we're nauseating. Aren't you glad you asked?

A little marital advice...

I'm sure most of you spent the last week hearing about Khloe and Lamar's wedding plans...and if you haven't heard about them, don't worry. You're not missing out. But hearing all the naysayers bash their "loooooove" had me reflecting. Now they've only been dating a month and they tied the knot....Hollywood's up in arms! But shoot, Jordan and I knew we were getting married after a week of dating. Didn't we? I said...DIDN'T WE HONEY??? And we got married less than 2 months after meeting....

Moving on...I got to thinking about keeping the fire and desire burning in a marriage. Keeping the loooove alive. Yeah I said it. Bow chika bow wow...imagine me talking in my Barry White voice....

We try to make sure we have time for us. And with 3 kids that can be a challenge. We go on the date nights and all that stuff...but sometimes date nights just aren't an option. So when we have to stay indoors I have no other choice but to pull out the big guns....

{Ladies, meet the big guns.}

I know. I know. It's unfair of me to use such tactics. If that doesn't scream irresistible I don't know what does! Do I know how to treat my man or what??? Nothing keeps the love alive more than a pair of seeeeexy jammies...meow.

I wonder if I could get Khloe's address? I should send her a pair. No need to thank me Lamar, consider it my gift to you.

No rhyme or reason....just gas

Dude. I stink. Seriously. I'm so gassy it's ridiculous. Uggghhhh. It's kind of hard to focus on writing because the stench is just pungent. Like hot mustard meets sumo took a dump on a burning tire pungent. You know it's bad when you make your own eyes water. I guess that's what I get for slightly cheating on my diet....and eating an entire pot of beans in the last 2 days..What? Don't look at me like I'M crazy. They're gluten, dairy, meat, and seafood free. Moving on....

I've missed you all this weekend. We were non friggin stop since Friday...here's the low-down...

FRIDAY NIGHT- Snuggled on Miss E's new baby girl, whom I love and adore and want to keep as my own....I love new baby smell, it's better that puppy breath.

{the new little miss....gorgeous like her mama}

Went to go hang out with Miss B at the hospital because she was STILL pregnant...that's right. She was induced Thursday morning and still no baby by Friday night! Yeah. No thank you.

SATURDAY- Our morning was historic. Mason had his first soccer game and he did AMAZING! Can you say VICTORY?! We totally trashed the other team. Not that it's about winning.... pfffttt....BAH!... Oh my gosh that's such a LIE! It's totally about being the winner winner chicken dinner!! WHOOP WHOOP! And I am now an official soccer mom. Official- like a ref with a whistle, as we like to say in these parts. It was a proud moment. I channeled my inner Victoria Beckham and I worked that field like it was nobody's business. And by worked I mean- screamed and yelled from the sidelines while snapping photos and handing out snacks, with a baby on my hip and a flip of the hair. That's how I roll yo.

Checked in with Miss B- still pregnant.....yeah. I know.

Then we decided to pack up and head out for the weekend. So we took the kids up to the grandparent's for a little mini-vacay. While the kids tormented the in-laws, the hubs and I headed out for some fun and hit up a friends wedding reception. Now I'd love to post on that, but I just can't. I'll leave it at that. BUT on the bright side I had on a faaaaabulous outfit!!

Checked in with Miss B- FINALLY had her sweet little man that evening!!! Poor girl had been in there since THURSDAY morning...yikes.

{the new little man....watch out ladies!}

Rocked out to some Phil Collins and Wreckx-N-Effect....ya know...all I wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom, just shake your rump!

SUNDAY- Chillleeeeed. Didn't do a dang thing except head home to go snuggle Miss B's stubborn little man, who I plan on adding to my collection of 'babies I want to stick in my purse and take home'.

All in all it was an awesome weekend, full of good times, babies, rump shaking tunes, and a heck of a lot of beans.

Note to self: no more beans.

Alright, the stench is killing me, I've got to go to share some of this sweet aroma with the hubs. Curses to IBS....and delicious beans. I'll be back tomorrow in full effect. If you need me before then, check the toilet.

A serving of love....

Rumor has it that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Huh. So I figure, what the heck, I'll give it a shot. In attempts to keep the marital bliss flowing up in this piece I've decided to throw in some new cuisine for the hubs to chow on so his love for me can burn with the intensity of a thousand suns. I want him to love me like Jon Gosselin loves Ed Hardy tees. I want him to love me like emo's love their tight jeans. I want him to love me like Richard Simmons loves sweatin' to the oldies....is that too much to ask?? I think not! So I've devised a plan....a menu of loooooove if you will. I will entice him with delicious aromas and mouthwatering delicacies...just wait til you see the menu I have planned for him...

I figured for starters I would fix him a nice wholesome breakfast...perhaps the meatini...

{bacon, eggs, toast....the whole shebang}

and some snicker bar pancakes on the side, just in case...

{caramel sauce, peanuts, chocolate syrup, & whip cream....mmm}

Perhaps a light snack between meals, just to hold him over...
like the rubix cubewhich...


For lunch I'd go with something tasty like the double bbq stack, with fries...

{2patties, pulled pork, bbq sauce, slaw, cheese & bacon}

And for the main event I would make him meatloaf, of course...

{bacon-wrapped meatloaf with a layer of mac & cheese}


with some healthy veggies on the side...like the cornhole

{Corn on the cob wrapped in hickory bacon with two hot dogs and two Colby-Jack cheese sticks wrapped in ground beef}
I'd keep dessert simple though, with maybe just a piece of cake...

I'm pretty sure his heart will just be bursting at the seams with love for me after this. Or maybe it will just be bursting.....This is going to do wonders for our marriage, I can already tell!!

ps- one more day until my awesome surprise.....aren't you so excited?!

**food items were found here**

It's a full moon tonight...

After a quick conversation with my scrumptious piece of man meat this evening I found myself wondering.....Did we really just talk about this?

Let me set the mood...late night....watching some Kathy Griffin on the telly...

Me: Look, babe, you can die happy. You just saw Rosie O'Donnell's butt! She just mooned the camera!!!


Him: Ugghh. That's sick.

Me: Man, I wish I could moon people all the time. That'd be so rad!

Him: You couldn't. Every time you showed your butt your naughty would hang out.

Me: Nu-uhhh, you just have to do it right. Trust me.

Him: You couldn't do it without everything hanging out.

Me: Yes I could. You just have to position yourself right.


Him: No. You can't!

Me: YES! I can.

Him: Show me.

Me: (blank stare....*crickets*) You just wanna see my butt!!! Dirty.



But then again...we did debate whether or not Lady Gaga was a hermaphrodite for a good 45 minutes the other day. Soooo....guess arguing about full moons is considered normal in our house.

Bow chika bow wow....

Ever since my magical love affair with my husband began, it has been amazing. Just oozing with romance I tell ya. Kissy kissy face. Rainbows and puppies and all that crap. I couldn't think of a better way to meet someone than online. Very not creepy stalker-ish at all. And who needs candlelight and roses on a date when you can go to Chuck E. Cheese on your first date instead...definitely sets the mood.

I'll never forget our exotic honeymoon. We drove to Utah, with our 2 yr old son, and Jordan's BFF Dizzle, to stay with my SIL (who I had never met, but now absolutely ADORE), in her basement (definitely not a boom boom room!ha!)....and here's the best part... Jordan went snowmobiling for 3 days while I hung out with my brand spanking new in laws! I think I saw him for like a total of 4 hours that whole time. ROOOOMANTIC! ***Disclaimer: he did end up making up for said 'honeymoon' with an amazing trip after, but that's neither here nor there.***

So you see what I mean...I'm swooning over here ladies! He always says the sweetest things to me too. Like today, he calls from work and says...

Him: Are you excited?
Me: For what?
Him: That you're gonna let me suck your big toe tonight, because ya know, daddy can suck a mean foot!
Me: (hangs up)

Then as I'm laying on the floor he says...

Him: I didn't know we were in Egypt.
Me: What the heck are you talking about?
Him: All this camel toe I see.

Thanks honey, way to make a girl weak in the knees. Sometimes he doesn't need words at all. Who can forget this tender illustration he made for me?

Yeah, it says I wanna bite your butt....bite marks and all... mmmhhhmmmm.

And to think, he's all mine. I'm a lucky girl. So why am I reflecting on all of this? Because my little Casanova decided to surprise me and get tickets to go to Reno to see these guys....

And this....is just another way my man's so dang romantic...because he'll take me to do the things he knows I love, even though it wouldn't be his first choice. In case you haven't heard Il Divo, they are AMAZING! (I have a very very broad taste in music). So this is where I will be tomorrow night...swooning over my man while listening to these incredible voices...I had better go to Wal-Mart and get some granny panties for Jordan to throw on stage while he screams like a pubescent teeny bopper. It's gonna be fabulous. Jordan if you're reading this...I love you...grrrr

In case any of you are DYING to hear Il Divo, and I'm sure you all are...here's me and my man's song...enjoy!

To quote Beyonce....I'm a survivor!

Mama Kat's writer's workshop: #3 Describe a difficult moment you have survived...

Life is good. I have no complaints. In fact, I always wondered how I was so lucky to end up how I did....because I'll be honest, if you would have asked me 5 years ago where I thought I'd be, I never would have guessed I'd be married to my scrumptious man meat and be a mother of 3.

When my oldest was just shy of a year I made the decision to leave where I was living and move home with mom. Truly a humbling experience. But it was more than leaving my home. It was leaving my job, my family, my friends, my life.....and my son's birth father. Now I wasn't moving the next town over. I was moving a good 7 hours away. I knew what it meant to take my baby so far away, and that was exactly why I was doing it.

For those of you who read the blog regularly you know I don't go into this topic too often, so sorry if I keep it vague, it's my little piece of life I don't like to share. So on with the story...It was gonna be hard. Of course I had my mom, but other than that I was alone. Just me and the little guy. But I knew in my heart that I was doing what was best for my baby. I was securing his future while protecting him from the present...and one day he would see that. I realized as I packed everything I could fit into my car and hit the road that I was the only hope this little boy had. If I didn't do what was best for him, no one would. So I left. We had some rough times, the little man and I. I got up for work at 3:30 every morning and went to school at night. This way I could spend my day with my baby. It began to take a toll on me.

I was exhausted. I was broke. Being a single mom to a one year old, working, going to school, and paying for daycare wasn't exactly the high life. And dealing with the aftermath of leaving didn't make things easier. Just thinking about that makes me sick. But after being there almost a year I landed a better job, with better hours and pay and took a semester off school. Things were starting to look up. Then I met Jordan......(this is the part where the heavens open and angels sing)

We'd barely been dating for two weeks at this point and we were making plans for the evening. I remember telling him I couldn't get a babysitter because I only had $20 until Tuesday...and it was only Thursday. The next day he paid my day care and my bills. I didn't know how to respond to that. So I married him. Just kidding...but really, it was hard. But as he slipped my ring on my finger a mere month and a half later and vowed to take care of 'us'...I realized it didn't have to be hard. The hard days were gone. We were a family. He loved us. He would protect us. And my oh my, how he has....

Reason #521

So my lovely lady friends and I went out tonight for a little girl's night out and caught the flick The Proposal. It was ah-may-zing! LOVED IT! About every 30 seconds I had to wipe the drool off of Brooke's chin, but we had a blast! Note to self: buttered popcorn not a great idea. bowels completely mad. I left the theatre feeling all starry eyed and kissy kissy face, eager to get home to my delicious husband. Romantic movies do this to me....I get all gooey and lovey dovey. So once at home Jordan and I start naming off the reasons we love eachother (aren't we cute? gag) He loves me because I have cute feet apparently...good to know...I wouldn't want him to love me because I'm an amazing mother and can make the best impersonation of a chicken ever. Feet are definitely more important. Kinda creepy in a Tanner P kinda way...

Then I made some raunchy remark about how I just want to run my fingers through his hair...but here's the rub. Jordan has an afro. Totally thick, curly hair...and a lot of it! So he uses gel to style it and I. Hate. Gel. For some reason I can't stand the way dry gel feels, it gives me the heebie jeebies. And needless to say, I can't run my fingers through gelled hair. He then tells me that he wants me to find him a new hairdo! Ummm, was that angels I heard singing?! I took full advantage of the moment and the next thing I know it's midnight and I'm washing his hair in the tub getting ready to channel my inner Vidal Sassoon. He was such a good sport, he didn't even complain when I got shampoo in his eye! I was on fire as I busted out the flat iron and got to work...I wish I had a picture of the end result, but can you say Ay Papi!! Bow chika bow wow.....Me likey!!

So reason #521 why I love my scrumptious piece of man meat: he goes along with my crazy ideas at all hours of the day and lets me tame his wild mane...what a man!

These dang sappy movies...but you know what? I don't need the movies, I have the happy ending...Some people thought we were nuts when we got married after only knowing each other for 55 days. But man it sure is fun to prove them wrong day after day!

Thanks for knocking me up honey!

NO! I'm not pregnant! I just wanted to share a little Father's Day looove by telling my man thanks for giving me such adorable babies...FDW (Father's Day weekend) is kind of a big deal at the house of Cline. Everyone likes to get in on the celebration, just look at the picture below...
I'm pretty sure Sang Sang was cleaning his "hindquarters" about 7 seconds prior to this picture. Blech...We started the celebration early by taking Jordan to play, I mean the KIDS to play at the park. He's a grown man...why would he want to play, right?

WRONG! Just look at my honey go!!

So for part one of my gift to Jordan I've compiled a list of tips to help him through his journey we call Fatherhood:

1- Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

2- First you have to teach a child to talk, then you have to teach it to be quiet.

3- Hire a bully to toughen up your kid.

4- Never use the check out with the candy display.

5- Ice cream is the answer to pretty much everything.

6- If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, "keep away from children."

7- Monster truck rallies can be educational.

8- When you hear the ice cream truck, cover their ears and run inside!

9- The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

10- Give your awesome wife all the credit when you're kids turn out to be friggin amazing.

I found these tips on the internet so they must be true! And here's one more token to show my love and appreciation for you...ok, so maybe it's more for you to show your love and appreciation for me...whatever works...I leave you with the soothing sound of Bryan Adams and a young Johnny Depp.

Crazy home intruder...

If I was ever attacked by a home intruder I would be useless. You wanna know how I found this out? Take a walk down memory lane with me...you can hold my hand if you want to...

It was a Thursday like any other. Boogie was eating lunch, Presley was napping, Mason was playing at grandma's, the hubby was earning that dolla' and I was still in my pajamas cleaning the house, like the good wife that I am. I was deep in thought, mentally preparing myself for Friday's trip to Tahoe and everything I would need to bring. "Pack the kid's medicine, wash off their boots, buy formula," I thought to myself as I wandered through the house, when BAM! I turned the corner into the bedroom and ran straight into a man hiding, pressed against the wall. HEY! he shouts and jumps out at me! HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL I'M GOING TO DIE!! I think to myself as I try to back away screaming bloody murder. So what's the first thing I do?

Well I'd like to say that I hit him straight in the solar plexus and beat the tar out of the guy, then said something really witty like "Not this time mister, you've messed with the wrong girl" and then he'd black out until the police got him. But no.....I threw a shoe at him. Yeah. Turns out that's not very effective. Where did I go wrong?! I've played this scenario over millions of times in my head before, never once did it involve footwear. I'd had it figured out for years. I'd hockey punch the guy, knee him in his snuffaluffagus, grab the kids and RUN! But no....I threw a shoe... A sandal to be exact.

Lucky for me it was only my crazy husband who decided to scare the crap out of me by coming home HOURS early and sneaking in like some crazy crack head. My heart didn't beat right for over an hour! And I'm pretty sure I piddled myself a little. In fact, I would still be pretty bitter at him if he didn't leave me such a sweet note on the bathroom mirror.....



In case you can't read that it says "I wanna bite your butt." He even put teeth marks on the tush...isn't he romantic? He really knows how to make me go soft in the knees after all these years...

I'll miss you all the next few days! Lake Tahoe here we come!!

Just remember, you said I could!

Let me start out this post with a little background history...My dear husband, Jordan, was a complete nay-sayer when it came to the blog. It took me quite a while to convince him that having a blog wasn't a bad thing. In April he finally gave me the green light and thus my blogging journey began. At first I had to force him to check out the blog, but as time has passed he would come home from work and tell me how much he liked my post and how he had showed the guys at work. He was starting to come around, that's right, I'm awesome like that. Then the other day, out of the blue he asks me:

"How come you never write a post about me?"

Uh, for real? Like....I'm allowed?! You really want people to know about...well I won't go there now. But in my mind it was a combination of maniacal laughing Muah ha ha! and me singing the Pussycat Dolls "Careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it!" This was like Christmas, only better! So here it is....Part 1 of the How I met my delicious piece of man meat!

Technically, we met online. Jordan will beg to differ, but that's the truth. I don't lie. And yes, he stalked me for a year before we met online. That's true too, but that's a story for another day. Our first date we were supposed to go out on New Year, and I flaked. I had been at the snow all day and it just didn't work out. Not a good start, huh? So a few days later I got a call from Jordan and he asked if we could do dinner. But I already had plans, with another guy, but asked him if he wanted to come along...yeaaahh....and he said yes! So the first time we met was at Chuck E. Cheese where I had taken my date...my adorable 2 yr old son Mason. (for those of u who I don't truly know being a single mom isn't a subject that I will blog about, sorry! just trying to protect my kiddos!) Talk about throwing him into shark infested waters!! It was lust, I mean LOVE, at first sight. I had a great night of watching Mason tear up Chuck E. Cheese, he had a great night of watching my booty as I played ski ball, before we called it a night. As we went out separate ways he left me a message asking to take me out the next night! OH FO SHO!! I saw that truck he was driving...that boy looked good!

Fast forward to the next night. Dinner for two at Macaroni Grill....drooling right now...Where we proceeded to tell each other every thing known to man that bothers us, annoys us, so on and so on. I mean we laid it all out on the table. My kinda guy. Afterward we talked in his truck for like 3 hours...he totally wanted to make out with me...but we didn't! But here he was bragging to me that he could make a sound just like a flamingo. Whatever. So I did my chicken sound (which I'm AMAZING at) and told him to 'Take that to the bank!' Booya! Then you know what I did. I farted. In his truck. Straight hot boxed it. Yup. I even warned him, which I think was really nice of me. You know what he did. NOTHING! Just laughed! Match made in heaven! We were married 55 days later. We now have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 happy family!

Jordan if you're reading this don't get any ideas! I'm not gonna sing your praises all the time! Next time I'm gonna tell them about our "Honeymoon"....