I'd rather give birth...

This whole back-to-school thing has just thrown me off! Showering before noon??? That sucks!! And less time for blogging? Well that's just stupid. However! I do need to tell you about today...

For starters, I HATE going to the dentist. I detest it. LOATHE IT! I would rather give birth to triplets than go to the dentist. Well today I had to go to the carnival of horrors and get a temporary crown put it. I've had this appointment scheduled for weeks. Circled in black marker with unhappy faces on my calender....mocking me. At last the time arrived.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the office when the anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. As I sat in the chair waiting for the doctor to come in, his assistant came in to do the prep. His gorgeous assistant. Sigghhh. As if coming in wasn't hard enough, now I have to stare at her while she vacuums spit out of my mouth? Perfect. Why couldn't I get the haggard looking chick in the other room?! This was already off to a bad start. I was ready to just cut my losses and make a run for it. Who needs teeth, right? Meth addicts don't, why do I? But the doctor came in...dun dun duuun!

He was ready to get the party started, let me tell you! 4 shots of novacaine later we were having a rousing game of 'how many metal tools can we stick in alicia's mouth at once'. Loads of fun. Truly. I would have been paying more attention to the game if I didn't have the lovely assistant staring at me with her giant doe eyes while spit and residue splattered all over my face and in my hair. I'm pretty sure I had a booger or something because I swear lovely assistant Bambi was looking up my nose the whole time. It didn't help that I had to fart so I was squeezing my butt cheeks together like there was a hundred dollar bill between them, in fear of letting out a silent but violent! Dang IBS.

Once the dentist had done his dirty work he left me in Bambi's hands so she could place the temporary crown. This would have been fine except for the fact that Bambi was completely incompetent. As she set, reset, and removed the crown time after time after time after...you get the idea....well I thought I was going to hog tie the chick with floss and make a break for it. I can just see the headlines...."Crazed drooling woman goes on dental floss rampage"....But on the bright side, in between the pain and the frustration I caught some pieces of the Beach Boys 'cocomo' playing.

FINALLY she set the dang thing and told me to rinse. I threw back the mouthwash and began to swish it around when I noticed it dripping all over the sink and my shirt. Apparently my mouth was still numb and I was drooling...slightly...a LOT slightly. Let me tell you I make one heck of an impression. I looked like the Joker on crack with half my mouth slightly curved down with a line of dribble running down. But at least it was over...for now!

All I know is the next time I go, Bambi better go frolic in a field or something because there's no way she's touching these pearly whites again!

Peeee Esss: I've been a bad blogger, there's a lot going on, but I will be back commenting soon!