Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Queen's Proclamation

ATTENTION ALL CLINE HOUSEHOLD RESIDENTS! Please read the attached memo:

For starters, I love you children so dearly, and that is why I'm warning you I'm giving you some tips. Contrary to popular belief, I don't like being woken up by two crazies dressed like cowboys jumping on my bed and shooting cap guns in my ears. Weird, I know. Might I suggest something a little more toned down like perhaps a chilled Red Bull on ice? That would be splendid! And if you could refrain from building towers on my backside while I'm sleeping that would ensure that you survive another day be so nice.

And while I know you may not appreciate my style of decor, please leave the decorating to me. The monopoly money strewn across the house mixed with army men, cars, and every other possible toy you own isn't exactly the look I was going for. So I would be so grateful if you would refrain from redecorating while I'm ignoring you and laying in bed I'm busy cleaning the house. Thanks, I knew you'd understand.

Daughter, this one's for you. I know you love me and that's why you insist on pulling my hair and scratching my face when daddy puts you in bed with us, and while I think it's sweet, I think daddy might appreciate it a little more than I do. So if you could claw his face that would be fantastic.

Oh, and Presley? One more thing. You know the way you splatter painted all over your onesie today and then spit up everywhere when I was trying to get you out of that foul onesie?....that's another one of those things that daddy might appreciate a little more than me, so go ahead and save that for him next time!

Jordan. Dear sweet husband that you are. The half hour back rub was a fantastic way to start the day. And sleeping in was indeed a wonderful treat. However, when I have a major wedgie and have yet to pick it, the polite thing would be to tell me or even pull my skivvies out. I found it a little in-polite when you came up my rear and said "looks like somebody's hungry. nom nom nom!".

Thank you for letting me lay the smackdown taking all of this advice, for your own safety I'm sure you will put it to use tomorrow.

Love,
Her Majesty

DISCLAIMER: This post may or may not have been written during a PMS fueled, chocolate (and every other delicious food) lacking, waiting for the Ritalin to kick in, too friggin early in the morning moment.
Posted at 7/16/2009

47 comments:

  1. UnknownJuly 16, 2009 at 2:31 PM

    This sounds like the walk i took yesterday! I saw children squirting water at each other...lego men all over the sidewalks...loud noises at every corner...with whistling to boot!!! Great post girlie.

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  2. The Eckerd FamilyJuly 16, 2009 at 2:40 PM

    I LOVE it! WOW it makes me feel good to hear someone else being as sarcastic as I am sometimes!

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  3. LIsaJuly 16, 2009 at 2:43 PM

    LOL this is great. And yet they are still so young. Wait till they get older, it just keeps getting better.

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  4. shortmamaJuly 16, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    That is too funny! Cant help but laugh at what your hubs said though, hehe

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  5. thatgirlblogsJuly 16, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    Dear Alicia,
    You are my new BFF.
    Thanks
    ThatGirl Blogs

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  6. Hit 40July 16, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    When I clean, I like the children out of the house. They just get in the way or fight!!! For heavens sake - I don't ask them to clean the 3D pee mess that their little wieners make. At least, they could leave me alone while I wipe it down.

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  7. AnonymousJuly 16, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    You may have one of the funniest blogs around. Great post!

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  8. Mama-FaceJuly 16, 2009 at 3:35 PM

    That is the best part of the day/month to post. You can get down and dirty and yet funny. I love your truthful interpretations.

    Did you leave out the part where you step (barefoot) on the legos? That might just be decor in my household. hmm

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  9. UnknownJuly 16, 2009 at 3:51 PM

    I laughed out loud through this whole post. Thanks for brightening my afternoon! :)

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  10. BobbiJuly 16, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    OMG, your hubby is hysterical!

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  11. GypsyFoxJuly 16, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    LMAO...still ROTFLMAO...too funnay!!! your a funny lady seriously I love you!

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  12. BrookeJuly 16, 2009 at 4:28 PM

    HaHaHa!!! I know you too well, cause the whole time I was reading this I was picturing you writing it! Wedgie and all! I love you!

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  13. ErinJuly 16, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    HAHAHAH You are comedy! You. crack. me. up! I do love the decorating tips from your children, I have yet to try the army men, but I do like the cars look! LOL!

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  14. brookeJuly 16, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    from now on every time i come to your place i am gonna get a snack some delish drink..put my feet up...settle in...and read because it is like my favorite comedy hour show around these parts....i love it and i can't wait for the next episode!!!

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  15. Elizabeth MarieJuly 16, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    HAHAHA hilarious!!! Shooting cap guns in your ears...

    Such an adorable post!

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  16. JenJuly 16, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    you know, sometimes no matter the time you just got to set them straight. Nice one.

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  17. BonBon Rose Girls KristinJuly 16, 2009 at 6:08 PM

    Oh man, is that what I have to look forward to? Actually doesn't sound so bad...says the mom of one. ah ha ha ha

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  18. valentineJuly 16, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    OMG. that is the most hilarious way to tell someone they have a wedgie. i about died. for reals.

    long live the queen.

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  19. MaceyJuly 16, 2009 at 8:22 PM

    I LOVE IT!!! You had yet to pick the wedgie out!!
    Ha ha! I'm laughing out loud and the kids are going, "What's so funny, mommy??"
    Snort. I just snorted. True.
    Macey

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  20. ChickdeyJuly 16, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    LMAO - Seriously that is like the best post ever!

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  21. S Club MamaJuly 16, 2009 at 9:12 PM

    nom nom nom...I just can't stop laughing....I'm sorry. You kill me.

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  22. AiringMyLaundryJuly 16, 2009 at 10:23 PM

    Okay, the nom nom nom thing made me giggle. I have never heard that before and now I MUST use it. Now if only someone around me would get a wedgie..

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  23. Fresh Squeezed Orange JuiceJuly 16, 2009 at 11:18 PM

    well said...now let me know if it works

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  24. Melissa aka EquidaeJuly 17, 2009 at 12:32 AM

    Haha good on me dear :) yes I would like to know if it works! I hate it when my puppy grabs at my hair like crazy and claws with his feet as if he were a lion or cheetah trying to gut me out!

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  25. SarahJuly 17, 2009 at 5:24 AM

    I love the wedgie comment...I feel relieved after reading this...relieved for YOU! You deserve a nice long vent! Woo-Hoo!

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  26. Christina LeeJuly 17, 2009 at 5:31 AM

    too busy laughing!!!the scratching- yes!!- I cant get near him with the nail clippers though- maybe while he sleeps........

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  27. The Peach TartJuly 17, 2009 at 5:34 AM

    Happy to have found your blog. I loved the wedgie comment and well now you've laid the ground rules for the family.

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  28. bethJuly 17, 2009 at 5:45 AM

    i hope you don't mind if oi post these rules for my house,too. they pretty much apply...well, we haven't had that same wedgie incident here, but it's probably good that he knows that in advance, anyway!

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  29. DreamgirlJuly 17, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    Hahaha... love this post! WHy haven't I found you before - you sound like my kind of woman (anyone that comments on her wedgies has my attention...)

    Just visiting you from SITS - hope you have a great weekend. Feel free to come visit me at SweeterLiving, I love visitors!

    Greetings from Spain

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  30. Ally WasmundJuly 17, 2009 at 6:44 AM

    Wow! Sounds like every day really IS an adventure in your house. Awww cute! I'm sure I'll be there someday. I am lucky I can learn some humor about it from you! Thanks :)

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  31. JennyMacJuly 17, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    I LOVE this. Every word. You made me crack up from the second sentence.

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  32. ShannonJuly 17, 2009 at 8:53 AM

    F-ing Hysterical! I would love to just be a fly on the wall in your house for a day.

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  33. SaraJuly 17, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    I think your children will really appreciate this someday. Does your husband read your blog? Wouldn't hurt... nom nom nom nom!

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  34. SazzJuly 17, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    This post really made me laugh!!!

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  35. KateJuly 17, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    Excellent, I think I'm going to send it on over to my husband! Made me laugh out loud!

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  36. AtlantaJuly 17, 2009 at 11:02 AM

    My dear sweet sis, you suck. If I was PMSing I would so be jumping for joy right now. But I love you anyway. I feel ya with just about every other thing that you were kindly informing your family to refrain from. If you like you can forward that to mine as well. This morning I was kindy woken by your nephews cold clammy toes up my butt-crack. GOOD MORNING!!! Ciao Bella! xoxo

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  37. Melissa B.July 17, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    Your Majesty:

    At least you're dealing with physical issues. Wait 'til they're older, and get those smart mouths goin'!

    Your Loyal Subject

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  38. ~Kristen~July 17, 2009 at 1:59 PM

    Freakin HILARIOUS!!!!!! Best post I have read on any blog in a long time!!! You crack me up!!!

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  39. Carma SezJuly 17, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    looks like somebody's hungry! LOL

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  40. KateJuly 17, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    Thanks for stopping by my site. Please feel free to visit anytime, I'll leave the light on for you!

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  41. Iva MessyJuly 17, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    SO FUNNY! :) Have a great weekend!

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  42. DreamgirlJuly 17, 2009 at 6:24 PM

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a fun comment! Made me soooo happy (I know...I'm pathetic)

    Have a great Saturday!
    Hope to see you soon again;)

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  43. FranticMommyJuly 17, 2009 at 7:36 PM

    OMG..LOVE the wedgie comment! I read it and laughed so hard I almost peed myself! Thanks for making my day!

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  44. Dumb MomJuly 17, 2009 at 9:05 PM

    Funny, like always:) Can't wait to get up close and personal w/you @ SITScation. And, thanks for coming to my blog party yesterday. Like you'd ever miss a party:)

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  45. MrsMJuly 18, 2009 at 2:01 AM

    Our kids must share brains. Seriously. And our husbands, too. It's like doppelgangers or something!

    Happy Saturday Sharefest to you =)

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  46. AnonymousJuly 18, 2009 at 5:55 AM

    Lol at 'looks like somebody's hungry!" hahahahaha!

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  47. Queenie JeannieJuly 19, 2009 at 4:58 AM

    So let it be written, so let it be done!!!

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Thanks for the comments, I love reading (and returning) them! Tell me how you really feel!! bow chika bow wow...

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