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Dear Presley,
There is no doubt that you are adorable. Quite cute, in fact. But here's the thing...this whole explosive diaper thing you have going on...not so cute. It has got to go. I know you're a girly girl, my own little fashionista in training, and you looove to change outfits through out the day, but you don't have to saturate your current outfit with mudbutt just so I'll change you. In fact, I'm kind of sad to say goodbye to that adorable onesie I had to CUT OFF you today since you decided to unleash the dirty dirty all up on it. I don't think your hair appreciated the, er, "treatment" either. (yeah it got all the way up there)
So I have an idea! We'll make a deal, scream twice then fart and I'll know you want a new outfit. Deal? And while we're on the topic, I would really appreciate it if you would confine these mishaps to the crib, somewhere I can wash the fabric, as opposed to the carpet. Which now has a ginormous stain that the dogs can't stop smelling because it reaks of Eau de Crap. Not exactly my scent of choice. I still don't understand how someone so sweet can make such a vile and toxic smell that just singes the nostrils. It's inhumane. And definitely not the jumper. Please don't unleash the beast in there. Jumping and mushy butt...not a good mix.
However, if you have a momentary brain lapse and proceed to flood the poop deck, could you at least do it when Daddy's home? I sure would appreciate that. Thanks for being so understanding.
Love,
Mom
Mom
I never say this, but "LOL"! Hilarious! I'm sorry about the big blow out. (shudders to think about it)
ReplyDeleteI believe I snorted a few times in a rather unladylike fashion while reading this post. God help you should you ever decide to feed that child Indian food.
ReplyDeleteMy dear. Is that why you "needed" me! You probably wanted me to come over and clean it up. I would have. :)
ReplyDeletePs. My lover. I gave you an award.
OMG as soon as I saw the title of your post I KNEW it was going to be a post about, well, shit!!!! And now I am laughing my butt off!!!! Seriously!!! So many great lines in there!!! "Flood the poop deck!" Classic! "Scream twice then fart..." Can I do this to my husband when I want him to bring me something?! "Unleash the dirty dirty..." Hmmm, another line I could modify to use on my hubs! ;-) "Mudbutt..." Ranks right up there with MONKEY BUTT!!! Bwwahh!!! Seriously!!! Can't. stop. laughing!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna lie, I gagged a little reading this. Mostly because I know exactly what you mean...well, sort of. Seriously, Moose has had poops like this but luckily they have stayed in his outfits....except once. And that one time, thank GOD, Big A was home and changed it on a towel (and threw away a towel).
ReplyDeleteI have thrown up so many times changing diapers during this pregnancy. I want my steel stomach back.
Ah the joys. My second was like that. Fun fun fun!
ReplyDeletesick LOL
ReplyDeleteYour Presley...?
ReplyDeleteThe cutie pie in the pix...?
No way.
[snicker]
HILARIOUS!!!
ReplyDeletefor your sake and that of your carpet, I hope that she listens, I really, really do. But on a sad note, mine never did.
ReplyDeleteToot won't ever do this to me, right?
ReplyDelete*crickets*
RIGHT?!
hahahahahaha! sorry. it really is funny though, especially the cutting her out of her onesie part. we are past that here now, thank goodness. however, we have moved on to the "i think i will try to go to the potty by myself and remove my own shitty diaper and proceed to get the contents of said diaper all over the bathroom" phase. ahh...good times, good times.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I love these moments. You said it nicely though.
ReplyDeleteLOL - I can't wait til you read this post to her at 13 when all her friends are around! Hilarious......... I don't miss those days.
ReplyDeletebwahahah, *dies* thats awesome!
ReplyDeletejust priceless...all the way up to the hair huh? impressive!
ReplyDeleteHaha! We've had those "blowouts" here too! SO frikkin' disgusting! And I don't really know how they get it in their hair, that confuses me...Maybe she took our Shart for Savant ad a little too seriously!
ReplyDeleteMacey
well its never gone up to the hair and most of the time stays confined in the diaper but we do get accidents in clothes, bed, towels etc....and recently his poops are really big covering every inch of nappy....my God!
ReplyDeleteMUDBUTT! Too funny!
ReplyDeletePersonally I think we should lobby Congress to pass a law stating they have to learn to change their own diapers once they turn 2.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
I'm SO glad my days of dealing with other people's poop are over!! Almost worth having a teenager...
ReplyDeleteoh yea I remember those and projectile vomit as well.
ReplyDeletePoop deck and mudbutt, unleash the dirty dirty all up on it!
Rolling I was but you simply have to save this as a special note for her marked with the original date when you wrote it and a spacial pretty photo of her as a baby boo.
Then one day when she is at school her Freshman year, put it in her backpack so she can read it at lunch time. LOL
saw you on Sits
ReplyDeleteunleash the dirty dirty all up on it
http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletesorry, its still me anyway here is my bloggity blog...
Brittany
Hi
ReplyDeleteHe
ah, me again just wanted to let you know I gave you a follow
cuz yr cool like dat!!!
Brittany
Ohhh my gravy.. haha.. exploding huH?
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome. Except not. But the post is great. It'll be awesome to show to her in 15 years or so.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS...love the pic of your Boxers!
ReplyDeletehahah I read this and then saw her little cute picture as I scrolled down to comment!! She is so cute!! minus the poop an all!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! you crack me up!
I never played Donkey Kong. I'm not very good at video games so I'm really reluctant to play anything other than 1-2 games. lol
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, my boys are almost identical. The only difference is the face shape. Moose has my round face and Big A has the long face. My biggest claim to my child is his chin. Totally mine. :)
I tossed some outfits too!! Just too much damage to try to clean. When I was grocery shopping at Walmart, I noticed some cute kids clothes really cheap!!! I should have just saved my $$$ buying fancy kids outfits.
ReplyDeletehehe... that is too funny...
ReplyDeleteI am excited you are getting a blog makeover from jessica...she is the best!!
Haha! Very impressive. My little bears have never made it all the way to the hair but it has been up the back before.
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my blog! :)
ReplyDeleteAhh the days of poop all the way up the back. I gotta say I don't miss that lol.
oh.my.gosh! this is hilarious and even though it is completely foul it is not persuading my baby fever!!! {except the carpet stain thing...eh that's kinda pushin it}
ReplyDeleteonce we were at a birthday party and c took meg to their changing table to change a nasty one and she wasn't done and had an explosion all over their wall...he was mortified but we got a couple weeks worth of laughing from it...oh how i miss those days...
Hahahaha! Oh the poop explosion!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute letter! :)
ReplyDeleteOh no. Poop...I hate poop!!! Hopefully she doesn't make the carpet more "craptastic" anytime soon...
ReplyDeleteI might borrow this letter for my boy. He pooped all down his leg the other day. It was too gross to write about. I am nauseous just thinking about it. *gags*
I think we both know I've had quite a bit of experience with this! Welcome to my world.
ReplyDeleteYou and me? We're on the same wavelength today! You joined my meme and you didn't even KNOW it! Come link up! :-D
ReplyDeleteAlso? Ewww to the mudbutt! LOL! I had one like that and I spend many a day finding poop under my fingernails at random times!
I refuse to believe that someone so cute with the name "Presley Rose" could unleash the Mudd Butt - no siree!
ReplyDeleteLOL funny, dang this is what I am looking forward to sometime??? I gotta be ready then!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS, www.mrszeus.blogspot.com
This just made me laugh SO much! xx
ReplyDelete