Shoot me in the face...

There are a lot of things I would love spending 4 hours out of my day doing. Like sleeping for instance, or blogging. Googling pictures of the Hoff (meow). Maybe read some books, work on my tan....shoot, I'd even do laundry over what I had to do yesterday. We spent four friggin quality hours teaching Mason how to.....are you ready for this.....swallow a flippin' pill!!!!

For the record, I'd rather stab myself repeatedly in the eye with a dull pencil before doing this again. I'm pretty sure those 4 hellish hours have won themselves the title of 'Most frustrating experience of my mothering career'. It's a pretty prestigious award, so why don't I explain how I received it, in case anybody out there would like to try for one.

This last weekend Mason was given a new medication. The old one wasn't meeting his current needs so we felt it was best to try something new. Well. Apparently Mason didn't agree. The new pill is hardly any bigger than the old pill. But it's not a pill that can be crushed or chewed, it has to be taken whole. It's smaller than a tic tac, just to put things in perspective. So yesterday morning while getting ready to send my little heathen off to school we had him take his pill. Or try to. Over and over and over....

He couldn't...no, make that WOULDN'T take it. And short of waterboarding the kid, we tried EVERYTHING! He put it under his tongue, back of the throat, head tilted back, wrapped it with food, drank through a straw, you name it....we tried it. He must have gone through 4 glasses of milk and juice trying to get it down, to no avail, might I add. An hour and a half into it he had managed to throw apple juice all over the kitchen, spit milk all over us, spill water all over himself, and STILL hadn't swallow the pill. By this time Mason's crying, he's late for school, I'm bawling, Jordan's frustrated, and the pill is sitting on the table taunting us.

So I did what any over emotional and crazed mother would do....I took him to the doctor. Now I love our doctor, he really is amazing and has done so much for our children. Buuuuuut the last time I took him in because I was concerned about the medication and weight loss he prescribed ice cream before bed time. Yeahhh. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he prescribed BRIBERY yesterday. WTF? So my kids a turd, won't take the friggin pill (when I know he can because he's ALWAYS taken pills) and not only do I have to give him ICE CREAM but I have to buy the little delinquent a TOY??? That's it...I need to see some diplomas or evidence of schooling because that's a steaming pile of dog crap. So glad I paid a $20 copay for that crap. But I'll try it. Because I'm desperate.

So we tried again last night. Only this time we used tic tacs so he was just having candy instead of the dreaded medicine. Again, we tried everything. We tried so hard to make it FUN! We wrapped it in candy, hid it in applesauce, offered him treats, toys, MONEY....ANYTHING. Sigh. Nothing worked. So one crazy mother, one exhausted son, one sexy father (yeah I said it), four horrid hours and endless tears later....we called it a day. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Jordan came out this morning with this fantastic ghetto rigged creation....


The pill launcher 3000. Simply stick it to the back of the mouth and push the lever in and this high powered machine launches that pill straight to the back of the throat, wash it down with some milk, and you're good to go. No if, ands, or buts. The crazy thing is that Mason loved it! He thought it was cool!! WTF? So mommy gives you candy, toys, sunshine, and friggin' rainbows, and I get NOTHING! But daddy chokes you (not really, no need to call cps just yet) and you think it's COOL??? Sigh....whatever works. At least he took the dang pill.

Yup, I'm THAT Mom...

I can't wait to tell you the winner winner chicken dinners of the ol' blog giveaway....but first feast your eyes on some cute pictures of my kids (and other random crap)!! I like to keep these pictures handy so that after long 3 day weekends full of explosive diapers, sugar induced tantrums, no naps, frazzled nerves, and lack of sleep, I can take a step back and remember what it's all about....the good times...

Apparently something was very shocking....

We went to the zoo and saw the weirdest looking koala bears...

Little Miss Presley snuggling with her faboosh new blanket handmade for her by the fantastic Erin!! Thanks E!! We love it!!

She embroidered her name, birthday, and a picture of OUR DOG!!!
How friggin amazing is that?!?! I may just keep it for myself....

My bootylicious hubby and the demon offspring riding the tri-zain...toot toot suckas!

And of course, photo op a la oofa luffe le....

Mason busting out the fall boots....yes, my 5 year old has amazing fashion sense...I'm so proud

Alright...now that we've got that taken care of, on to the WINNERS!!

Congrats to Momma G.Love for winning the gift certificate to this yummy joint.....
Another congrats to Sara for being the proud new owner of these radical utensils...
And finally a HUGE CONGRATS to Melissa for winning the best ice cream dish EVER!!!

Thanks to all those who played along! I love you all!

Now go eat some dairy for me!

A little pick me up...

I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. I should have picked up on the subtle hints.... but I didn't and I was caught off guard and was attacked at full force by the PMS army and all it's rabid soldiers. Uggghhhh... I'm not a graceful PMSer. Quite the opposite actually. I transform into a puffier, slightly more...make that incredibly more...crazed version of myself.

I hate how all my clothes shrink and I'm left to wander the house nekked double fisting corn chips wondering what the heck I'm gonna wear today. I've went with the bath robe today. Safe choice. I find myself drizzling chocolate sauce on my midol and just retaining water by looking at it. Yup, it's gonna be a greeeeeat day.

And don't the kids know by now that asking Mom to do anything will only result in hissing and velociraptor like shrieks??? How dare they ask me for juice!! Apparently they didn't get the memo either. So in attempts to lift my spirits and further refrain from torturing my family I think it's time for another edition of Random Crap That Makes Me Happy! Here goes!

The awesome hypercolor tshirts! Remember these?

I'd sweat to the oldies with this piece of man-meat...

I love seeing old people in looooooove...it's so dang cute...

Celebrity Jeopardy....Suck it Trebek!


The world's best ice cream scooper from Thrifty's

I'm feeling better already! I hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!! And before I go, I just want to remind you that....

Where's the remote?!

It was 7:29 pm in the Cline household, a night like any other. The kids were polishing off their bedtime snack while watching a little tv as a night cap. I on the other hand was counting off the seconds until bed time. 7:29...one more minute. Ahhh....Glorious! Time to put the children of the corn to bed so mama could RELAX....blog a little...ya know..

Then it hit me. 7:29! Oh no! CRAP! No no no no no!!! I only had seconds to act before it was too late. Frantically I started searching the house like a mad woman. Hurdling over couches, throwing pillows every which where. Searching desperately...

"Remote!" I blurted out in a frenzy. "JORDAN! The remote!!!"

He simply looked at ME like I was the crazy one!

"Where's the remote?!" I shrieked. Time was running out!

Couch? No!

Kitchen? NO!!

WHERE THE HECK....Then I heard IT. Oh no. NO! That horrid sound was getting louder and LOUDER, filling the room...

Please, oh please, don't let the kids notice! But it was too late. Their beady little eyes were glued to the tv soaking in the bane of my existence....otherwise known as...Yo Gabba Gabba. Ughhhh.

Well there went my night.

Now here's the thing. I consider myself a pretty patient person (ok that's a bold face LIE but it sounds better for dramatic effect and all). But there are some things I have NO patience for. Yo Gabba Gabba is one of them. I. CAN'T. STAND. THIS. SHOW. My kids are forbidden to watch this show. FORBIDDEN I tell you! Everything about it just irritates me. It makes my eye twitch. It causes a raging fire inside that I can not put out. I LOATHE it....and for no better reason than just the fact that I can't stand it.

{NO Gabba Gabba!}

That DJ Lance fellow creeps me the heck out. Those tight pants and that dead animal on his head. No thank you. Uh-uh. And the creepy cyclops that looks like a giant blister...wtf? Then there's the fuzzy green thing that just sways his arms around all freaky like. That would give me nightmares!! And children actually LIKE it. I just don't get it. And it's not just this DJ Lance chump that creeps me out...it's children entertainers in general. I mean have you SEEN some of these people??? Yikes. Like this guy, Dan Zanes who used to sing all the time on the Disney channel. I'm sure he's a nice man, whatever....he is not coming within a foot of my kids. Creeeepy!



Then there's this dude from Ralph's World. Again, creepy. Just look at those eyes. You can't trust those eyes. All crazy and intense. They just scream "I do crack on a daily basis".



Maybe I'm just over reacting, but I can't help it. My poor kids. They'll have to watch some other kind of quality television like Maury Povich or The Steve Wilkos show during the day, because this Yo Gabba Gabba-freaky grown men singing deal just isn't working out for me...

I'm feeling frackin' faaaaaabulous!!

Was yesterday a dream? Because seriously it was just too good to be true. I had a dang good time reading all the sweet blog lovin' that was left...you guys ROCK!! A huge thank you to all of you who stopped by, it totally made my day! And a huge HELLO to all the newbies! Just make sure you sign the waiver before reading, releasing me from all liability, thanks.

Not only was yesterday my SITS day, but I got my NEW FRIDGE!! Finally! And it's gooooorgeous! I may or may not have kissed it. I'm just sayin'. But now I might even be able to feed my family! What a mess that whole situation turned out to be. Unfortunately my dear sweet 'Tom' wasn't able to deliver it. I understand, it must be hard for him...now that I've moved on to a new fridge and all. It's just different between us now...but I'm sure he was here in spirit. Goodbye Tom...I'll miss you...and your bubble wrap.

But it doesn't end there folks!! Oh no no no! Guess what I got in the mail?! Let me give you a little background. 3 of my best friends are pregnant right now. I know!! Hussies....But for real, they're all knocked up with little demon offspring of their own! Sucks for them. I mean, it's so exciting, especially because that means I get to go SHOPPING! Whoop whoop! In fact, one of these three mamas-to-be was due TODAY and the little booger decided to bake a little longer (I'm sure she's just overjoyed). She's such a special friend to me and I knew I had to get my baby nephew the PERFECT gift! Luckily for me one of my BEST blog buddies had just the perfect thing! I'm all about personalized gifts. I looooove leaving my own imprint on a gift when I can, so I bribed Kristen into making a special burp cloth set just for Ryder! And they turned out SO DANG CUTE that she even put them on her website!! Look how cute!!!


I was beyond excited to give them to my mama-to-be! Aren't they totally rad?! I LOVE them!! I'm pretty sure they're my new favorite gift! So as a ginormous THANK YOU to my lady love Kristen I decided to give her all the credit where credit is due by pimping her awesome skills out on the ol' blog. Go check out her AMAZING shop...she has the most amazing items that you can get personalized, and not just for baby! Thanks K, mama loves you!! :)

{go check out my lady...i heart her}

On a side note, I've realized that I need to invest in a padded cushion seat. Mmmmmhhmmm. I have a nice ring on my buttocks from spending some quality time on the old commode. I think it's safe to say it's gonna be a loooooooong time before I'm delusional enough to cheat again. I have to say though, that pizza gave me some heavy duty ammo last night. Covered wagons galore!! Poor Jordan. Poor poor Jordan....

SURPRISE!!!!

So I told you all I had a surprise for you today, and boy, is it a GOOD one...

Ready?

Ahem....

IT'S MY SITS DAY YO!!!!

HOLLA!!

That's right! And oh my word I am beyond excited! In fact, I've been doing a little pre-celebration tonight....I ate DAIRY!! Gasp! And GLUTEN!! Nooooo! Oh heck yes! I took the bull by the horns and I manhandled that pizza. It didn't even see me coming! Granted now I will have to spend the next week on the throne, but it was worth every. single. cheesy. bite.

So in the spirit of celebrating I've decided to send some of you home with some awesome party favors. It's a little thanks from me to you for making my blogging experience so rewarding. To all those crazies who are delusional enough to be a follower, I love you guys...thanks for the support and love! And for all you newbies or visitors just passing by, thanks and welcome! Have fun reading...Now for the good stuff...

Some lucky person will be the proud owner of this little gem...can you tell I have dairy on the brain?? Mmmmmm dairy, how I miss thee...

Another fabulous person will walk away with a set of these...

And some lucky person will get a gift certificate to this place...

Now aren't YOU excited it's my SITS day?! If you want in on this fun just leave me a little comment here telling me how much you love me and how fantastic you think I am....or just leave me a comment!! I'll let this run until Sunday night, so GOOD LUCK! And thanks again!! I'm off to go perch upon my porcelain throne....dang pizza....never again.

A serving of love....

Rumor has it that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Huh. So I figure, what the heck, I'll give it a shot. In attempts to keep the marital bliss flowing up in this piece I've decided to throw in some new cuisine for the hubs to chow on so his love for me can burn with the intensity of a thousand suns. I want him to love me like Jon Gosselin loves Ed Hardy tees. I want him to love me like emo's love their tight jeans. I want him to love me like Richard Simmons loves sweatin' to the oldies....is that too much to ask?? I think not! So I've devised a plan....a menu of loooooove if you will. I will entice him with delicious aromas and mouthwatering delicacies...just wait til you see the menu I have planned for him...

I figured for starters I would fix him a nice wholesome breakfast...perhaps the meatini...

{bacon, eggs, toast....the whole shebang}

and some snicker bar pancakes on the side, just in case...

{caramel sauce, peanuts, chocolate syrup, & whip cream....mmm}

Perhaps a light snack between meals, just to hold him over...
like the rubix cubewhich...


For lunch I'd go with something tasty like the double bbq stack, with fries...

{2patties, pulled pork, bbq sauce, slaw, cheese & bacon}

And for the main event I would make him meatloaf, of course...

{bacon-wrapped meatloaf with a layer of mac & cheese}


with some healthy veggies on the side...like the cornhole

{Corn on the cob wrapped in hickory bacon with two hot dogs and two Colby-Jack cheese sticks wrapped in ground beef}
I'd keep dessert simple though, with maybe just a piece of cake...

I'm pretty sure his heart will just be bursting at the seams with love for me after this. Or maybe it will just be bursting.....This is going to do wonders for our marriage, I can already tell!!

ps- one more day until my awesome surprise.....aren't you so excited?!

**food items were found here**